Friday, December 31, 2010

I never gave you a reason to hate me.
You’re just creating your own little drama of pure insecurity
i wonder how many people wake up tomorrow looking like shit wondering where they are. i'm positive that i am not going to be one of them. have a safe night people!! no drinking and driving <3

for a guy you really are a little  bitch. i mean seriously. you whine about being cold and how hungry you are and that your jeans don't fit right. you whine about how long it takes to go places and ask 1000 times why we're doing something. seriously! STOP! it is so annoying- you are a girl.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

and some castles made out of sand will melt into the sea eventually

California: According to Urban Dictionary

1. state that produces more good than anywhere else, has crazy night life, large school, hot women, a load of stuff to do, and the longest beach anyone has ever seen
2. extremely diverse
3. much more entertaining than texas

the area code for south orange county, one of the richest places in the country. also, its a huge bubble and life outside it is "gay" (btw i love here so i have the right to make fun of it)

i live in the 949 and i love listening to music about pain such as my chemical romance and watching shows for 12 year old girls such as the OC.

United States:
If you don't like it, go live in Canada mother fuckers.

the name that non-native californian's use when referring to California and trying to seem like a real Californian.
Typical of an East Coaster

Hey, duuuudddess let's go to the shore in Cali, and thrash some waves.

Complicated Starbucks Orders

i'm a starbucks junkie. everyone knows that. its bad. like i seriously have a problem. Venti skinny cinnamon dolce lattes. zebra mochas with a peppermint shot. passion fruit iced tea with raspberry sweetener. toffee mocha frappachinos. you get the idea. its funny when i go in there in the morning and the person behind the counter says "good morning kaitlyn, what would you like today?" and i turn around and look at the guy in the suit behind me whos face is like oh my god are you kidding me? before ordering. but what is the most complicated starbucks order?

"Yes hi I'll have a tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot split quad shot (two shots decaf, two shots regular) latte with whip."

"Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended."

"Triple Grande 140 degree no foam cinnamon dolce latte with caramel on the whip."

who can come up with the most complicated starbucks order???? maybe you'll win a prize if you come up with a really good one ;)

the talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

i love having to stand on my tippy toes to kiss you
i want chipotle right now!!!!!!

33 things to do while home alone

1) dance in your underwear
2) sing along to the newest Katy Perry or Justing Beiber song... oh i know its a guilty pleasure of yours
3)take a bath and fill it with lots of bubbles
4) watch the TV show or movie that is your favorite but can't watch because it drives everyone crazy and its always on
5)tan outside without a bathing suit on- you won't have tan lines hehe just make sure your neighbors aren't creepin
6) sing along to an opera and pretend that you are really good
7) do those funny exercise videos in front of the TV the ones about how to do chair dances and sexy yoga are hilarious by the way
8) make your own youtube video- parodies are hilarious. so pick a song and make fun of it or something!!
9) go mattress surfing down your stairs
10) sit in front of your computer and take 100 pictures of yourself until you think you look pretty in one
11) read a magazine that you love but would be too embarrassed to read around anyone else
12) clean out your closet!
13)have a TV marathon and lay in bed all day
14) cook something out of a cook book instead of microwaving. make some fancy dish and enjoy it afterwards
15)make a scrapbook- bet you can't remember all the things that happened in the pictures. try and remember so you have it when you are old
16) read blogs they are a complete waste of time and can be funny
17) impersonate people from the movies you are watching
18) skip around the house singing show tunes and dancing with your dog or something have fun with it!
19)walk around naked.. hey if you're into that kinda thing now is your time because you can't normally do that... i think
20)make cookies then proceed to eat them all. yum yum yum
21)take a quiz and see who you truly are- GOOD way to waste time
22)hey... here's one! READ A BOOK!!!
23) make a playlist of music that makes you happy
24) give yourself a mental health day and get all pretty- do your nails, do your hair, relaxxxx
25) clean something. its a good way to waste time and you are being productive
26) exercise and blast music
27) facebook creep on people and refresh your news feed every 2 seconds
28) prank phone call someone
29) lay out on a raft in the pool, sleep, read a magazine, relax, listen to some music
30) have an art project make something pretttyyyyyy
31) play farmville or something
32) play barbies or legos dont you miss being a kid?
33) see how big of a bubble you can blow with your bubble gum

look outside at all the pretty people walking by

best friends

 we hold hands. we tell each other everything. we are constantly together. we share dressing rooms. bathrooms. beds. we ask for advice. hold each other when we cry we kiss each other.we kiss each other just because we can because we are like sisters. we do crazy things. we dance in our underwear. we have "dates" and go do fun things. we act like we love each other. and thats because we do. we are best friends. we might look like lesbians to you but shes my brother from another motherr, my sister <3
cutest thing i've seen in my life

blah blah blahhhh

that's all they were. to kids in love. holding hands and walking towards the setting sun. with no where to go, had no plan in mind. she had a flower behind her ear and there were stars in their eyes. they didn't care where they were going they thought it would all work out. until they figured out what life was all about. they had their fights. they said some things they shouldn't have said. but they kept coming back to the nights in their head where they were sitting in bed and kissing in the rain and waking up and hearing their name and seeing that look in the other one's eyes that made them melt, no need to come to a compromise. so they looked past the fights and things they shouldn't have said and the days she went home and cried the things she words she should have said and the times he forgot to tell her that he loved her. because they were just two kids in love. thought nothing could go wrong. until they came to the end and it all fell apart. and it was the end of the world and nothing really mattered. 

saturday night live video. its actually kinda funny hahahhaha


Husband: honey make me a sandwich.
Wife: get it yourself.
Husband: No, i'm watching the game
Wife: get off your lazy ass and make your own damn sandwich
Wife: i don't live to please you
Husband: yes you do, you said it at our wedding
Wife: i say a lot of things

relationship status???

i've  been thinking about this a lot lately. and i think sometimes way more than one applies. You can be "single" but seeing someone but you aren't official. you can be looking for someone. you can be miserably searching for someone. you could be loving it. you could be screwing every girl in the city. you could be the girl in her bed room listening to taylor swift songs about love dreaming of her favorite boy. and all of those would make you apply to single. You could be in a "relationship" happy. rocky. roller coaster. breaking up. making up. bored. confused. trying to make it work. acting happy but really getting bored while you try and make it work. together but falling apart. head over heels. and still be "in a relationship" but that doesn't say much about the relationship now does it.You could be "engaged" and in love, engaged and confused, engaged wondering what the hell you got your self into. etc. but you are still engaged. you could be "married" as in married on facebook (haha that means nothing), married and in love, married but staying together for the kids,married but always fighting, married and wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, married and wondering how you chose this person, married and wondering how you got so damn lucky to have someone to wake up next to every morning, to hold your hand, to make you breakfast, to grow old with, to see right before you fall asleep and to see when you first open your eyes, someone to walk you through the hard things in life and to never give up on you. It could be "complicated"... one person might be in love the other might not care. just hooking up. starting out but not together yet. the awkward in between relationship phase where its... well... complicated. there aren't set rules yet, there's a lot of confusion, it has its ups and downs, people get hurt, and its a hell of a lot of fun. in an "open relationship" meaning ya we're together but i can fuck whoever i want still. we like being together but i like being able to do what i want and so does he/she. "widowed" could be an old woman or a 20 year old girl who lost the love of her life in an accident or in a war. "separated" meaning i love them. and i'm not ready to lose them. but i need a break. or they need a break. at least for now. maybe forever. "divorced" and happy. sad. lonely. missing them. regretting it. happy to be done with it. empty. you could be "fuck buddies" which literally means hey im bored you're cute lets go. "talking" flirting. crushing. interested. maybe interested. bored. booty call. "kinda talking" meaning off and on. ehh i kinda like them but idk. no sparks yet. getting there. maybe it could be something."something but nothing" meaning i like them he likes me. it can't be something. they won't make a move. they are with someone. it would never work. etc etc etc."confused" confused. confused. confused. sexually? hahaha like gay straight bi? or i dont know what im doing? "leading someone on" meaning i want something. i want you but not really. you are a one time thing. i need a date for something. i'm bored you're fun to talk to. its fun to play with you. im trying to make someone else jealous. i dont want anything serious i just like when you talk dirty. you get the idea. "being led on by someone" oh they like me! and i kinda like them we have a date soon he thinks i'm cute she's into me. "homewrecker" i like him. i can't have him. mmmm i like a challenge. i hate his gf. i just want to get him for the hell of getting him. just to say i did. i'm better than her. its fun. its sneaky. its dirty. its exciting. "mutual understanding" this is what it is. this is how it will be. you good? awesome. "no bf/gf since birth" and sad. devastated. ugly. scared. Mormon. etc. "best friends with benefits" i love you like a sister/ bro but you're fun to have fun with and it works because we know each other so well and we're always together and heck, its fun!! and we're cool so its all good. best friends with benefits that could turn into romance. best friends with benefits that could ruin the relationship. "love triangle" enough said. "exclusively dating" im not ready to call them my bf/gf but we are exclusive and we are happy how it is but we aren't with anyone else. "mistress" that loves the guy, that is having fun, that the wife knows about, that the wife is oblivious about, that he is going to leave his wife for, that is ruining a marriage, that has stolen his heart, that he secretly loves, that he is having sex with because he has a sexless marriage and is getting it somewhere else, that he likes to have fun with because its new and exciting, that everyone but the wife knows about, that secretly fell for him, that doesn't care for him but he fell for her, thats using him, that is falling apart from guilt. "in love" and loved back. unnoticed. loves from afar. fake love. puppy love. in love but broken up. "broken hearted" and with someone, and with someone else to try and forget who broke their heart, alone, trying to get over it, hiding it, but still with the person, forgotten, left behind, shoved aside, cheated on. "bitter" because she has him not you, because he left you, because he is happy and you're not, because you are alone now, because you have been forgotten or shoved aside or walked all over. "forever alone".....

word of the day

the urge to stare at obscene pictures

too cold to get out of bed

i hate when you're in bed and its like too cold to get up. so im sitting here and i want socks because my feet are so cold but i went to bed in a bandeau and boy shorts and i dont want to get up because its too cold!!!! AHHHHHHH maybe i should just start keeping a sweatshirt and slippers next to my bed for when i sleep because this is no fun. its like the horrible oh my god i really need to go do this, get up, pee, get socks, etc kinda thing but im going to die of frost bite if i get up. fun. 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

so this is what it feels like to be living center stage
I'm sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you or anything baby. You didn't do anything wrong. I just don't feel like talking to anyone included you. Maybe i just need some time to get myself back- to live- so i can breathe again because i miss having the feeling that i'm free. So please, i'm begging you. Just leave me alone. I still love you.. i always will. It is impossible for me to fall out of love with you. I can see us growing old together in this house with these kids always looking down at that ring on my finger, smiling because i belong to you. I've always belonged to you. obviously you're sad now, i'm treating you so cold. I don't know why, sometimes i just wanna be alone and wet my eyes, let everything run out from my eyes and hope the next day i will be waking up and see how beautiful life is. And you mean the world to me, but i need some time to be myself and think. I love you with all my heart.


loud, hysterical laughter
i wear makeup, so i'm plastic? I speak my mind, so i'm a bitch? I cry, so i'm an attention seeker? I speak to boys, so i'm a slut? I like getting my picture taken, so i love myself? Go on, throw me a label, you'll do it anyway. I don't ignore you, i just don't care for you. I'm not stuck up, i just don't give a fuck. I'm not insecure, I just don't trust any one like you. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be.

Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
lets laugh a little bit louder- kiss a little bit longer- smile a little bit bigger- hug a little bit tighter- run a little bit faster- live a little bit longer

Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it - come on up. 


Dear heart,

can you please start communicating better with my head? because i am a little dazed and confused and i keep wondering what do do. and i can't help but slip up. you need to help me with my decision making. but not take over it. i need to think a little bit. it's not ALL about passion and love and emotion and romance... as much as you want to think it is. the truth of the matter is that you cloud my judgement and make me only see my lust my desire my love my hate but don't force me to think about my actions before hand. so can you please speak to my head? every once and a while? it would make this relationship run a lot more smoothly. Thank you.



I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems, or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you; so intimate, that your hand upon my chest is my hand; so intimate that when I fall asleep, your eyes close.
~ Gabriel García Márquez, “One Hundred Years of Solitude”

In your eyes

I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are
But, all my instincts - they return

The grand facade so soon will burn
Without a noise - without my pride
I reach out from the inside

Love love love love love
I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass they pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

But, all my instincts - they return
The grand facade so soon will burn
Without a noise - without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes - the light, the heat
I am complete in your eyes
See the doorways of a thousand churches in your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searching
In Your Eyes

Love love love love love
I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

But, all my instincts - they return
The grand facade so soon will burn
Without a noise - without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes - the light, the heat
I am complete in your eyes
See the doorways of a thousand churches
I will not be that complete
In your eyes
In your eyes
In your eyes

In your eyes

I get so lost, sometimes

sex sells. enough said.

Monday, December 27, 2010

scary. but funny. but really really sad


Figure since I'm so far gone, oceans away
I can lay my saber down today
I miss the words, I love the words you did not say
I miss the kiss you never, never gave away

There goes the sun, oceans away
And days die young when you're gone and you're gone
There goes the sun, oceans away
And leaves the day for someone else

Honestly, I thought that we could make it all the way
Barefoot on beaches, dancing against the gray
But stone by stone, the castle crumbled to the ground
I stood and stared as you started to fall into the waves

There goes the sun, oceans away
And days die young when you're gone and you're gone
There goes the sun, oceans away
And leaves the day for someone else

Here's to the man of your dreams

Take it all in a box
And make my way down to the shore
Throw it in and begin to leave it to the waves

Leave it to the waves
Leave it to the
And leave it to the
And leave it to the waves


do not kiss in hallways. people will whisper and giggle and look at you when you walk by. do not kiss in a movie. old people might look at you like you are doing something wrong- even though they were doing the exact same thing 20 years back. do not kiss at home. mommy and daddy might see. don't kiss at a party. someone might call you a slut. don't kiss ever. kissing is for whores. haha just kidding. who gives a fuck what people think.

word of the dayyy

the pleasure of being able to say to hell with it

teenage romance.

since probably pre school you have liked people. or at least secretly liked people. i know i did. i had boys in my pre school and kindergarten classes that i had crushes on. i'd share my crayons with them and play tag and hold hands with them. boys never had cooties. the worst thing was maybe the boy thought girls had cooties and he'd run away from you. elementary school everyone has that little crush that forms and that never really goes away. but no one goes home crying over a broken heart, maybe only over scraped up knees. middle school rolls around and thats when you really start liking people or getting involved with other people. some hearts get broken some feelings get hurt, but you're young. it's stupid. usually middle school relationships (NORMAL middle school relationships) consist of two people liking each other. the boy asks the girl out. sometimes they are shy and never even talk and end up breaking up and they are sad for a day or they hold hands and say i like you and maybe think a kiss is a quick peck- but are too embarrassed to do it in front of people. why does all hell break lose in high school!?!?! a girl likes a boy but he likes someone else. someone gets cheated on. you date for a year and then its just over and you're left with an empty, broken heart and no friends left because you spent so much time with your "boyfriend" kissing is cool, sex is in. but only sluts have sex, huh? guys pressure you into things and the girls follow willingly sometimes trying to look cool, trying to fit in. pregnancy scares, baby mamas, abortions, fighting, drinking, smoking, heartbreak, tears, making up, breaking up, holding hands, saying i love you, making them your everything. NOW WOULDN'T YOU HAVE A LOT LESS HEARTBREAK IF YOU JUST WAITED UNTIL YOU WEREN'T A HORMONE FILLED TEENAGER!!?!?! MY GOD. stop getting your heart broken. stop falling in love. because it usually wont last. there's maybe a 1% chance it might. so just have fun and save that for later
FACT OF THE DAY: Most of the laugh tracks you hear on television were recorded in the 1950s, which means a lot of the people you hear laughing are dead.

working on some writing

so i found this redoubled sonnet i had for my poetry class at OCHSA that i never edited and stuff and i was working on it the other day. don't ask what a redoubled sonnet is it would take an hour to explain but i was writing about this guy and addiction and it was basically the story of his addiction and stuff but i figured i'd give you guys the first sonnet in the set of 15. no i am not a drug addict. no i am not emo. no i do not cut myself. no this is not about me. it is just a sonnet. hahaha :)the set is called disappointment. maybe when i'm through with the whole thing i'll post it.

Sonnet #1

cigarette smoke floating in the cool night air,
i'm consumed by this addiction that haunts me.
all senses are dulled, foresight is impaired
people don't see everything i could be.
i've got no where to go, nothing to live for.
i'm lost in this wasteland, trapped behind fences,
like being in a room that has no door,
the whispers continue, my body tenses.
my head keeps on aching, two worlds collide.
voices in my head turn back the pages.
i've got no where to go, nowhere to hide,
i just keep living my life in stages. 
but i don't want to see the scars on my wrists,
i go on pretending they don't exist.

He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
haha this made me laugh. i just had to share. if any guy said ride me Pocahontas while we were having sex he would either have to be A) really really really drunk B) we would have to be dressed up like indians or something roleplaying or some shit c) i could have to be wearing a feather head dress d) or he must just be really really freakin weird.

yayyy the hot water is back

so i got my new water heater today!!! FINALLY! i am so excited you have no idea. having no hot water for a week is living hell. like no joke. no hot showers. no washing the dishes. no washing your hands in non freezing water. etc etc etc. you get the idea. you don't realize how much you take advantage of that on a daily basis but i am so happy to have it back. i didn't realize what a luxury it actually was but my god.. i was dying without it.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

i love this

part of some new lyrics?

and when everything seems to be going wrong when the streets are empty and the world fades to black i'lll be there to hold your hand and wait for the sun to set fire to the sky ♥