Sunday, May 15, 2011

i believe in pink. i believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. i believe in kissing, kissing a lot. i believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. i believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. i believe that tomorrow is another day and i believe in miracles

we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. what have you found? the same old fears. wish you were here.

the awkward moment when your 18 year old guy friends are so desperate that they get to the point of calling your 13 year old, super innocent sister hot and start trying to hit on her. are you guys kidding me?? HOW OLD ARE YOU! SHE IS LIKE 2 COMPARED TO YOU. IT IS 2 MONTHS AWAY FROM BEING COMPLETELY ILLEGAL. try hitting on someone your own age... oh wait, i forgot.... no one your age will go for you because you are a desperate creep who acts like they are five. really guys? come on. it's pathetic

energy invested in someone 
i saw potential in

i watched all the control i have slip through my fingers and honestly, it was the worst feeling in the world. losing all of the control that i have had and watching everything fall apart slowly let me fall down a giant hole and i stood, peering up at the small hole of light in the sky above me. unreachable. that's when i know that i hit rock bottom. You know when you slip and you fall  and you fall deeper and deeper and you can't grasp onto the the edges of the walls that aren keeping you from the top. it's when you break and don't want to stand up again because you are tired of falling

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.


I love those games that you get obsessed to so easily.... such as: coin dozer, words with friends, scoops, fruit ninja, animal farm blah blah blah. it's all of those games that you start playing because you are bored and then you get addicted to it and then you can't stop playing it and you are on it all the time! it's kinda like facebook... possibly the most time consuming thing of all time.

long story short: be stupid

any idiot can face a crisis
 it's day to day living that wears you out

the worst part about depression is when you realize you don't know how to smile for real any more. it's the fake laughter. it's always being in physical pain for no reason. it's being tired. all the time. it's lying awake for hours with your mind racing. it's the phrase "i just don't care" and plastering a fake smile on your face and saying, "yes, i'm okay" through your teeth even though you are on the verge of tears. knowing that they can all see the broken girl i am on the inside. it's the boredom but you don't want to do anything. it's feeling trapped. it's not knowing what you're feeling but knowing that it hurts. it's the moment when you realize nothing matters any more. it's going through life like a robot, an observer, not a participant. it's being numb. it's the first time you pray to die. it's when you wake up each morning. it's when you plan your own death. it's the guilt you feel because you "have no right" to be depressed. it's wanting other people to notice and care but not caring enough yourself to ask for help. it's looking into the future and seeing nothing. 

treat people the way you 
would like to be treated. 
karmas only a bitch if you are.

everyone needs a good mustache. short mustaches. long mustaches. hitler mustaches. awkward mustaches. gotta have some hair on your lip according to the bottle! so stock up ladies! NOTHING IS SEXIER

when women go wrong, men go right after them

love her when she least 
deserves it- that's when she 
needs it the most

i know that you are angry. but can you please just give me a hug and tell me that you've got my back? because even though you aren't part of my life any more, i still want you to be. you were my everything. you were my best friend. you were my rock. and i need you there by my side when the world is crashing down on me. even though i don't deserve it, please just be there and hold my hand for one last time before i have to walk away.

i have feelings too. i am still human. all i want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent

pray for all the people who are hurting more than  you are. pray for the people who are dying, who are sick, who are losing someone, battling cancer, some incurable disease. pray for the people who are dealing with being an outcast, the people who love someone who doesn't love them back, that are tired of living, of being bullied. because they are fighting a harder battle than you are. i don't pray, but i pray for them.

1. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? 
only my bestest friend in the whole wide word jen
2. Who do you blame for your mood today? 
my french teacher
3. Have you ever seen a dead body?  
luckily, no
4. What should we do w/ stupid people?? 
we should kill them all so we never had to deal with any more stupid people
5. How long do you think you will live?
a while... i am being hopeful
6. What was the first thing you did this morning?
got up and tripped over a box and went and did my makeup
7. The color of carpet in your bedroom?
9. Last person you went out to dinner with?
my mommy daddy and sisterrrrrr i believe
10. Are you spoiled?
haha uhmm.. sometimes
11.Do you drink lots of water?
i try
12. What toothpaste do you use?
crest for sure!
13. How do you vent your anger?
scream at people, write, throw shit... throw little children
14. The last compliment you received?
you look beautiful without makeup on
15. What are you doing this weekend?
something crazy i dont know
16 When was the last time you threw up?
err.... i dont' know?
17. Is your best friend a virgin?
yess she is
18. What theme does your room have?
it is very fashionista- y
19. When was the last time you were at a party?
20. Are you a mama's child or a daddy's child?
daddy's girl for life <3
21. Would you ever join the military?
22. The last website you visited?
23. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
jen i think
25. Last person you went to the movies with?
i don't even know honestly
26. What did you do/will you do for your birthday this year?
i had a party
27. Number of layers on your bed?
like 3
28. Is anything alive in your room?
its very dead
29. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
forward i think

30. What are you looking forward to

This is for the girls who have the tendency to stay up all night listening to music that reminds them of their current situation. Who hide their fears, hurt, pain and tears under their smiles and laughs all on a daily basis. The girls who wear their hearts on their sleeve. The girls who pray things will workout just once and they’ll be satisfied. The girls who scream and cry into their pillows because the rest of the world fails to listen. The girls who have it hard but don’t let anyone know that. The girls who may never have it easy. The girls who have so many secrets but will never tell a soul. The girls who have regrets and mistakes as a daily moral. The girls who don’t always win, who may never win. The girls who stay up all night thinking about that one boy wondering if he’ll ever notice her. The girls who get what they get and don’t throw a fit. The girls who take life as it comes, hoping it’ll get easier somewhere down the road. The girls who love with all their hearts but always get broken. This is for the real girls. This is for you.

i think it pisses god off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. people think pleasing god is all god care about. but a fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back- alice walker, the color purple, 1982

it's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. but then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or notices that a flower that was a bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer.. and everything collapses

a bell is no bell til you ring it
a song is no song til you sing it
and love in your heart
wasn't put there to tay
love isn't love
til you give it away

some where, 
i'll find someone 
going nowhere, 
and we'll go there 

if you can surrender to the wind, you can ride it

because we're all kinda fucked up in our own special way

lost dreams
when youthful ambitions have been broken
lost thoughts
the most intelligent words never spoken

listen to what you see. you are blind to what you hear. do not listen to a word you've heard. people are people we live for our own. live how you think not by what you've been told. listen to the words you say.

what if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? what if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?

when she is willing to give her heart away and he never came.. never came back, never even looked back at her. she was broken and lost in a daydream about the bright future that became the dirt on her white walls

when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute.

in the arithmetic of love, one plus  one equals everything and two minus one equals nothing.

I love getting my nails done. it makes me happy. sitting in the chair next to my girlfriends and getting colors, pink and white, some crazy design. the usual. the gossip in there is always the best, we always entertain the adorable little asian women doing our nails and the old ladies with bunions and mommies with their little kids who forgot the good old days. it's always good when something really really bad gets spilled in the nail salon... details always follow ;) hahahahhaha. 

mothers lock up your sons.

tonight he made me laugh for real, feels like it was the first time i've laughed for real. we rolled on the bus floor, made fun of everything and danced till our feet fell off and he was a great dancer, better than anyone i ever danced with before. im happy, im calm, im impressed.


all i need are the flowers!!!

today i feel like your voice for the first time (and i still love it)

you only have one life to do whatever you want with. in 100 years nobody will remember the stupid mistakes you made, so make a fool of yourself while you still have the chance because if you spend all your life trying to be the coolest kid around you will never be happy with yourself

This is going to sound so very cliche, but if you break her heart, I will run you over with my car. Now I’m pretty sure you have no idea who I am, but trust me I know all about you. You see, I have many friends, in many places. And I just wanted to make sure that the one who is dating the girl that I love with all my heart is in good hands. Since you have not received any threats yet, I guess you’re an alright guy.

But here’s a couple tips for you, always text her back, she gets really frustrated if you don’t. Don’t ever hang up on her without saying good-bye first, I’ve done that countless times and she gets really pissed off. She has certain days where she has to watch her shows like Pretty Little Liars and One Tree hill, make sure you don’t plan anything on those days. Surprise her, she likes them. She’s only ticklish in some spots and sometime she isn’t ticklish at all. She’s a fighter haha. And if she’s quoting Taylor Swift, either you’re in really big trouble or you’re making her happy.

And when you hug her, remember that you are hugging the most beautiful girl in the world and that you should always hug her back tighter. If she argues with her, argue back. But give in to her sometimes cause she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. Don’t hurt her, that will be the worst thing that you will ever do.

You have no idea how lucky you are to call her yours. So cherish it. You have the honor of holding her hand. You have the privilege to kiss her when you want. You have the ability to make her happy. She isn’t just another girl, she’s that girl that can make you the happiest person ever if you give her the chance. She’s worth everything. Everything. Take care of her.


The one who lost her

talk about it somewhere only we know, this could be the end of everything as we know. let's  go somewhere only we know

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children."

Pablo Picasso

Dear Canadians,

if i throw a slice of ham over the border to canada, is it ham or canadian bacon?

sincerely, America

She’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. The one that hopes for a better day. The one that won’t give up on you. She’s the girl that’s unlike the rest. The one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the girl that would love to be loved. The one that looks so damm strong, but feels so weak. She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

INSPIRE me, i dare you.
TRUST me, i dare you.
BEFRIEND me, i dare you.
LOVE me, i dare you.


a person who has little or no money and relies on handout from cougars

Dear customers,
The fitting rooms are not the place to change your child's diaper, nor are they the place to leave those dirty diapers.
Sincerely, we have bathrooms for a reason.

Friends and neighbors complain that taxes are indeed very heavy, and if those laid on by the government were the only ones we had to pay, we might the more easily discharge them; but we have many others, and much more grievous to some of us.  We are taxed twice as much by our idleness, three times as much by our pride, and four times as much by our folly.  ~Benjamin Franklin

relationships are like legos. no matter how many times they fall apart or are broken they can be put back together

You flew off with the wings of my heart and left me flightless.  

I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why?"  Why did I cause so much pain?  Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness?  Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love?  I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong.  We are not special.  We are not crap or trash, either.  We just are.  We just are, and what happens just happens.  And God says, "No, that's not right."  Yeah.  Well.  Whatever.  You can't teach God anything. 

No fear.  No distractions.  The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.  

he looks at me and says i choose you baby, i choose you. and i look at him and shake my head he says that he wants to come home that he loves me and he will always love me, and that he will always choose me. my heart drops. my stomach turns in knots. i shake my head and say it doesn't work with us... we took too long to say good bye. we never should have stayed so in love when everything fell apart. i look at you and i want to believe you when you say you will always love me, you stand in my doorway and kiss my hair, i look at the floor and say no. because i can't let you back in my heart. not again

Dear childhood pop songs,
When I listen to you now, I realize how many of the lyrics I didn't understand back then.
Sincerely, can't believe 8-year-old me sang along to that.

just to make you feel better about yourself:

today is my wedding day, and i have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML.

today i sound out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. my mom just steals it before i ever see it. FML

today i purposely went offline on facebook chat, just so people would think i actually have a life. FML

today i killed a pigeon. it choked to death on a piece of bread i threw its way. FML.

today i spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn i got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

today my boyfriend dumped me to be in a relationship with a girl who has a "steady" job. im a professional artist and made more off my last two paintings then she did last year working at walmart. FML

stuck in my head again
feels like i'll never leave this place
there's no escape
i'm my own worst enemy

keep my head on my hand and my heart on my sleeve

we have to live today 
by what truth we can get today 
and be ready tomorrow to call it falsehood

20 ways to be annoying
  1. name your dog "dog" 
  2. speak in a robot voice
  3. sing along at the opera
  4. throw popcorn at people in the movies
  5. sing the bat man theme song incessantly
  6. learn morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "BEEEEEP.. BIP... BIP... BEEEEEP.. BIP"
  7. sniffle constantly
  8. stomp on little ketchup packets
  9. crinkle up the straw wrappers and put water on them so they are like shrinking worms
  10. leave your turn signal on for 5o miles
  11. leave the copy machine set to reduce 200% extra dark 17 inch paper 99 copies
  12. insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up"
  13. make beeping noises when a large person stands up
  14. spray horrible perfume in a restaurant
  15. claim to always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training"
  16. staple papers in the middle of the page
  17. drum on every available surface
  18. yell randdom numbers when someone is counting
  20. tie jingle bells to all your clothes

pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win

baby, baby when we first met 
i never felt something so strong
you were like my  lover
and my best friend
all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
and i'll never give myself to another 
the way i gave it to you

and i come with imperfections. epitome of perfection. if you can't understand, loving the way i am. then you're no good for me

protect my heart, close your eyes. love only knows

how could i get through life without the pixies

oh baby i'm long gone, should've already written this song. no matter how hard i try. your haunting me inside. vulnerable and broken. left my heart wide open. stitched and confused. betrayed and abused. who do you think you are. to leave me with this scar

my reasons aren't reasons they're excuses to hide from the truth. and the truth is, i'm scared. i'm scared that if i let myself be happy for one moment my world will come crashing down

that's the beautiful thing about being human. things change. a wise girl kisses but does not love. listens but does not believe and leaves before she is left.

wake up in the morning feeling like p. diddy

all i am begins with you, thoughts of hope understood. half of me breathes in you, thoughts of love remain true

kill me with words. it's what i deserve

for the love of the earth, she dug deeper

Why, flowers are violent, cruel, terrible and splendid... like love!"  He picked a ranunculus which gently swayed its golden head above the grass beside him, and with infinite delicacy, slowly and amorously, he turned it between his fat red fingers, from which the dried blood scaled off in places:  "Isn't it adorable?" he repeated, looking at it.  "It's so little, so fragile, and besides, it's all of nature; all the beauty and power of nature.  It contains the world.  A puny and relentless organism which goes straight to the goal of its desire!  Ah, milady, flowers do not indulge in sentiment.  They indulge in passion, nothing but passion.  And they make love all the time, and in every fashion.  They think of nothing else; and how right they are!  Perverse?  Because they obey the only law of life; because they are satisfied with the only need of life, which is love?  But consider, milady, the flower is only a reproductive organ.  Is there anything healthier, stronger, or more beautiful than that?  These marvelous petals, those silks, these velvets... these soft, supple, and caressing materials are the curtains of the alcove, the draperies of the bridal chamber, the perfumed bed where they unite, where they pass their ephemeral and immortal life, swooning with love.  What an admirable example for us!"  

come now, don't make such a funeral face it isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy

you know the sad thing is? i am so much better for you then she is

I was undoubtedly at the end of my strength.  A flood of tears gushed from my eyes.  I wouldn't have been able to tell the reason for these tears, which were not tears of distress, and which, to the contrary, gave me relief and relaxation....  It was for myself I was weeping, perhaps, for my presence in this garden, for this cursed love in which I felt that everything which then remained to me - every generous impulse, every lost desire, and every noble ambition was profaned by the impure breath of these kisses, of which I was ashamed and for which I was also thirsty.  Well, no!  Why should I lie to myself?  Physical tears... tears of weakness, fatigue and fever, tears of enervation before sights too cruel for my debilitated senses, before odors too strong for my sense of smell, before the continual oscillation of my carnal desires from impotence to frenzy... the tears of a woman... tears for nothing at all!

what a sink of madness is man's mind

I feel something like a powerful oppression, like an immense fatigue after marching and marching across fever-laden jungles, or by the shores of deadly lakes... and I am flooded by discouragement, so that it seems I shall never be able to escape from myself again. 

Her hair possessed so powerful an animal odor and was so electrically stimulating, that its mere contact with my skin instantaneously made me forget fever, fatigue and pain... and I immediately felt heroic ardor and new strength flowing and surging through my veins. 

her lips were swollen, like firm buds ready to blossom

Alas, the gates of life never swing open except upon death, never open except upon the palaces and gardens of death.  And the universe appears to me like an immense, inexorable torture-garden.  Blood everywhere and, where there is most life, horrible tormentors who dig your flesh, saw your bones, and retract your skin with sinister, joyful faces.

And I irritably reflected that you can't take a step from the equator to the poles without running into that suspicious face, those rapacious eyes, those clawlike hands and that vile mouth, which goes breathing the frightful verses of the Bible, in an odor of stale gin, over the charming divinities and adorable myths of naïve religions. 

Madness!  This love was a part of me, like my own flesh; it had taken the place of my blood and marrow; it possessed me entirely; it was I! 

we sing lullabies to brown eyed girls with the world in their eyes and we scream happiness at the top of our lungs, up all night till the sun comes up and we cry words words of love to all the little boys who no one loves and we will always be there for you, though you're not there for me

Being perfect artists and ingenuous poets, the Chinese have piously preserved the love and holy cult of flowers; one of the very rare and most ancient traditions which has survived their decadence.  And since flowers had to be distinguished from each other, they have attributed graceful analogies to them, dreamy images, pure and passionate names which perpetuate and harmonize in our minds the sensations of gentle charm and violent intoxication with which they inspire us.  So it is that certain peonies, their favorite flower, are saluted by the Chinese, according to their form or color, by these delicious names, each an entire poem and an entire novel:  The Young Girl Who Offers Her Breasts, or: The Water That Sleeps Beneath the Moon, or: The Sunlight in the Forest, or: The First Desire of the Reclining Virgin, or: My Gown Is No Longer All White Because in Tearing It the Son of Heaven Left a Little Rosy Stain; or, even better, this one: I Possessed My Lover in the Garden. 

i'm holding a teardrop for a friend
until his heartache and misery end

heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,overlying our hard hearts

beauty is the promise of happiness

One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space.  Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages.  Otherwise there was no reminder of human life.  My companion and I were alone with the stars:  the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon.  It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators.  But it can be see many scores of nights in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.

flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty 
out values all the utilities of the world

beauty - in projection and perceiving- is 99.9% attitude

true remorse is never just a regret over consequence; 
it is a regret over motive

The moon. I have always been drawn to it. Connected, in some inexplicable way. A silent kinship. There’s the moon, asking to stay. All my life, I’ve regarded it with a solemn reverence. For the tempestuous storm it brews. The ebb and flow. Love, lust, and longing. Sorrow and anguish. Strength and hope. Brazen resilience. An image of change. Of life itself. Birth and death and rebirth. Continuous incontinuity. Everything amounts to this enormous beauty I know I will never fully be able to grasp. In all this, the moon reflects the heart of life. The kaleidoscope flux of the soul. The moon. It’s a cause for introspection. A mirror of who I have been, and a promise of who I can become.
I changed when you came into my life. Time and experience had left me rough around the edges. I learned to get on, without needing anything or anyone else. I never wanted to be different or try and be better for any other person. But then you happened. You showed me what it was to love. How beautiful it could be to share something like that with another person. And then I wanted to be better for you all of the time. For some reason, I was never able to do it. It took losing you for me to realise what an awful person I had become by the end of our relationship. I couldn’t see it then, the way I do now. The truth is that I mistreated you. I was selfish, unreasonable, and immature. You did not deserve it. I need you to know how sorry I am for who I was. I want you to know that I know I was unfair to you, and that I regret it deeply. For as much as I loved you, I never ever should have treated you the way I did. I am so sorry. I don’t know how or why I became that person, but she isn’t someone I would recognize now.
When our relationship ended, I found myself down a passage of self-reflection, the depth of which I had never before traversed. I had to come to terms with the faults and weaknesses I began to see within me. I realised that I had neglected a lot of people in my life. I had spent most of my life unable to see anything beyond my own stupid hang ups. I was so self-involved and intent on shutting out the rest of the world, that I had failed to give those I loved what they deserved from me. I don’t think I truly understood what guilt felt like until that point.
I used to think a lot about the people I didn't have in my life anymore. Of those, there were some that the circumstances of life took from me, and others that I let fall away. It was faith that made me believe that you would never become one of those people. I had spent too much time grieving over the ones who had left, and I reminded myself to be grateful for those that remained. I always tried to make sure I appreciated your presence in my life. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. I’ve learned too much from life to ever make that mistake again. When we were together, it was because of you that I wanted to be a better person. Throughout your absence, that sentiment remains. And I owe it to you. You were always there for me. I don’t have words to express how much you’ve taught me about love, faith, and what it means to be a good person. Thank you.
The last thing I want to tell you is how much you meant to me. I will never forget our time together. You changed my life. And if I know anything at all, it’s that what we had was real. My love for you was true. And I loved you the best way I knew how. I haven’t said it with a lot of words or any poeticism, but there it is. As honest as I can say it.

there's one sad truth in life i've found
while journeying east and west
the only folks we really wound
are those we love the best
we flatter those we scarcely know
we please the fleeting quest
and deal full many a thoughtless blow
to those who love us best

forgiveness is the sweetest revenge

Sometimes people ask me why I like you but I never feel like explaining everything with us. And when I do try, it never comes out right so I can't blame them for not understanding.
We've never been together, the closest we've had is a one night hook-up, completely sober, just because we wanted to. And that was over a year ago. I just keep coming back to you.
We met the first month of freshman year on a Thursday night when you came back drunk and I was studying. We got to talking and exchanged numbers and I gave you no further thought. The boy who I liked had just broken my heart and I went home for the weekend, even though you drunkenly told me I should stay. That Sunday I texted you with full intentions of getting help for my music class but we ended up talking until 4 in the morning about everything. We talked about everything; heartbreaks, friendships, family, and then stuff that was much deeper, that nobody really knew about us. Maybe it was the anonymity of it all, we barely knew each other and it was so easy to just keep talking. But both of us knew that that night wasn't normal and there was a weird comfortableness that we never discussed. We would see each other in the downstairs lobby from time to time but only occasionally would we be alone enough to talk like that first night. I had a massive crush that was like being on a roller coaster; one look from you and I was happy the whole day but I often saw you talking to other girls which was enough to drive me crazy. You were too cool to care and while I hid it well, I was hopelessly nuts about you.
The heartbreaker reentered my life and my crush was on the backburner for awhile. And you noticed that I wasn't around as much. You mentioned that you didn't like the guy to my roommate but I knew it was in a friend way and nothing more like I so desperately wanted. But right before winter break, we went driving. We talked like that first night and we felt that connection. We hooked up and I was foolish in thinking I wouldn't fall for him but I did. But we were away for a month and a lot changes in a month.
By the time we got back, you had a girlfriend and my best guy friend in the dorm had fallen for me. And as unlikely as I thought it could be, I fell for him too. You were no longer on my mind as I got caught up in this amazing guy. He was perfect by all standards. He was brilliant, romantic, sensitive and treated me better than I thought possible. But you started to creep in. I wanted to text you but repressed the thoughts. I didn't talk to you when I saw you and for the longest time, we had our significant others and didn't think of each other. But one night over summer, you chatted me, drunk of course, about how angry you were when I started dating the other guy. You said that even though you had your girlfriend and I had my boyfriend, that I couldn't deny that we had a connection. I couldn't deny it but I lied.
The next year came and with time, both of us broke up with our significant others. We had late night talks in the library, mostly you helping me get over my relationship. We run into each other and randomly hang out and then go our separate ways. I want to text you but our lives have gone different directions. I feel like we had a small margin of time to get it right and I know that we missed it. But I keep coming back to thoughts of you.

i love to do things the censors won't pass

sick of guys treating girls like shit. grow up.

hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. i know, because i turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents

before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. after marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him

kurt cobain- the lead singer of nirvana- was discovered dead on april 8th, 1994. the electrician found him.  he wrote his suicide note to buddah- the name of his childhood imaginary friend. he was an amazing musician and influence on music and he is missed. letters from the lost...

To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things. For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

it's like my mind and body and my heart don't seem to agree with anything

"Die Liebe und die Arbeit sind die beiden einzigen wahren Dinge in unserem Leben. Sie gehören zusammen, sonst ist es schief. Die Arbeit ist selbst eine Form der Liebe. 

i'm for the individual as opposed to the corporation. the way it is the individual is the underdog, and with all the things a corporation has going for them the individual

she wanted to love, she finally wanted to love for real but the only thing they had a common was state of mind she admired him, admired his intellect, his knowledge and trend towards new knowledge. lost in his existence, that's how she called her feelings towards him. but not only his existence and intellect she admired, also his external beauty was tempting. it was wonderful, never she would even dream to meet something so admirable. but may how beautiful it all would sound, she was unhappy, because they were like day and night, she- vague in her emotions, indomitable and always a mess, he- calm, balanced and never a mess

where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which i find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in a night. i miss you like hell

there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go

sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light

jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point- that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. there is only one alternative- self value. if you cannot love yourself you will not believe that you are loved. you will always think it's a mistake or luck. take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them

i thought when love for you died, i should die. it's dead. alone, most strangely, i live on

when one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us

i hate the day, because it lendeteh light
to see all things, but not my love to see

I wanted to burn the Louvre.  I'd do the Elgin Marbles with a sledgehammer and wipe my ass with the Mona Lisa.  This is my world, now.  This is my world, my world, and those ancient people are dead

By this time next week, each guy on the Assault Committee has to pick a fight where he won't come out a hero.  And not in fight club.  This is harder than it sounds.  A man on the street will do anything not to fight.  The idea is to take some Joe on the street who's never been in a fight and recruit him.  Let him experience winning for the first time in his life.  Get him to explode.  Give him permission to beat the crap out of you.  You can take it.  If you win, you screwed up.  "What we have to do, people," Tyler told the committee, "is remind these guys what kind of power they still have." 

Nothing was solved when the fight was over, but nothing mattered.  

You aren't alive anywhere like you're alive at fight club.... Fight club isn't about winning or losing fights.  Fight club isn't about words.  You see a guy come to fight club for the first time, and his ass is a loaf of white bread.  You see this same guy here six months later, and he looks carved out of wood.  This guy trusts himself to handle anything.  There's grunting and noise at fight club like at the gym, but fight club isn't about looking good.  There's hysterical shouting in tongues like at church, and when you wake up Sunday afternoon you feel saved. 

For thousands of years, human beings had screwed up and trashed and crapped on this planet, and now history expected me to clean up after everyone.  I have to wash out and flatten my soup cans.  And account for every drop of used motor oil.  And I have to foot the bill for nuclear waste and buried gasoline tanks and landfilled toxic sludge dumped a generation before I was born.  

We have to show these men and women freedom by enslaving them, and show them courage by frightening them. 

All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction.  You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something.  Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need.  Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need.  

We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit.  We have a great revolution against the culture.  The great depression is our lives.  We have a spiritual depression. 

so ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. you're ready to give up everything

now the party don't start til i walk in

Dear lonely girls,
Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you just don't have any bait.
Sincerely, clean yourself up.

my lip gloss is poppin'

Dear Dunkin' Donuts,
Having a slogan like "America runs on Dunkin'" isn't helping our image.
Sincerely, America.

Dear world,
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
Sincerely, reality.

Dear desperate single women,
I really don't see what all the "I need a man" fuss is about. Mr. Fluffywuffytinklebottoms has never asked me to make him a sammich.
Sincerely, the cat lady down the street

i feel you in my heart and i don't even know you

Dear co-worker who unplugged my monitors,
Enjoy your new password!
Sincerely, co-worker who is off until Tuesday afternoon

you're so transparent. how you stumble round those words so well

Dear pre packaged peanuts,
Does your label really need to say "May contain peanuts"?
Sincerely, seriously?

what's meant to be, 
will always find it's way

Dear Charlie Chaplin,
I'm really sorry Hitler ruined your moustache for the rest of eternity.
Sincerely, your movies are great though.

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

Bob Marley

Not a single one of your ancestors has ever failed in getting laid (Most people on tumblr will probably break the chain)
If you are 80 years old, you have lived through over 1/3 of America’s history
At one point, you were the youngest person in the world.
If a woman who is an only child has all boys (or no children at all), they are ending a chain of women that has been going since we were single-celled organisms.
The average human is a 28 year old Chinese man.
Dinosaurs were alive for longer than they have been extinct.
You breathe using just one nostril, then switch to the other 30 minutes later. Repeats for life. (After reading this pay attention)
In 30 or 40 years, people will be having 2000s parties. Just like now people throw “dress like the 70s” parties.
John Lennon is part of a group that has sold more CD’s than anyone else in the history of human life, and he never knew what a CD even was.
Grossness and morals define each other. For example, you won’t spit in the mouth of your girlfriend, yet you will kiss her.
You spend years seeing the same people often and you’ll never exchange words with them.
People hundreds of years from now will stumble upon your image without thought or emotion.
Everyone dies within six months of their birthday.
50% of all doctors graduated in the lower half of their class.
Mammals are just containers water uses to move itself from one place to another.
Many peoples most cherished beliefs come from 1st century writers and religious fanatics whose understanding of the natural world was below the level of a modern 5 year old.
The “food pyramid” that most of us grew up with was published by the US dept of agriculture. Their job is to promote agriculture, not to promote healthy eating.
80% of the images on the internet are of naked women.
If we ever meet superior aliens they will simply classify us under “violent, irrational apes” and will not be amazed by our art or philosophies, the same way we boringly classify newly discovered animals every year.
When the sun goes out, our descendants that watch it go out won’t be human.
When you’re about to die, you’ll regret all the days you took for granted.
The youngest mother in medical history was 5 years old. It makes you wonder about the generation gap for the people around you. Your best friend could be a thousand generations ahead of you. Your boss could be a hundred generations behind you. Makes sense considering he’s an asshole.
We magnify the differences between us, instead of the things that make us similar. You are not really any different than anyone else on earth that is your age, yet you feel like you are just because they speak a different language, eat different food, worship a different imaginary creature, or live somewhere else. In reality, we are all the same species living on the same planet. To bears, we probably look exactly the same.

there will never be a room in which you are not more beautiful

refuse to hang out in relationship purgatory. sometimes you've just gotta give up the ghost and move on

To the one that holds her heart,
This is going to sound so very cliche, but if you break her heart, I will run you over with my car. Now I’m pretty sure you have no idea who I am, but trust me I know all about you. You see, I have many friends, in many places. And I just wanted to make sure that the one who is dating the girl that I love with all my heart is in good hands. Since you have not received any threats yet, I guess you’re an alright guy.
But here’s a couple tips for you, always text her back, she gets really frustrated if you don’t. Don’t ever hang up on her without saying good-bye first, I’ve done that countless times and she gets really pissed off. She has certain days where she has to watch her shows like Pretty Little Liars and One Tree hill, make sure you don’t plan anything on those days. Surprise her, she likes them. She’s only ticklish in some spots and sometime she isn’t ticklish at all. She’s a fighter haha. And if she’s quoting Taylor Swift, either you’re in really big trouble or you’re making her happy.
And when you hug her, remember that you are hugging the most beautiful girl in the world and that you should always hug her back tighter. If she argues with her, argue back. But give in to her sometimes cause she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. Don’t hurt her, that will be the worst thing that you will ever do.
You have no idea how lucky you are to call her yours. So cherish it. You have the honor of holding her hand. You have the privilege to kiss her when you want. You have the ability to make her happy. She isn’t just another girl, she’s that girl that can make you the happiest person ever if you give her the chance. She’s worth everything. Everything. Take care of her.
The one who lost her

some people come into our lives and quickly go. some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same

relationships are like glass. sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together

i prithee send me back my heart,
since i cannot have thine;
for if from yours you will not part,
why, then, shouldst thou have mine?

let your tears come. 
let them water your soul.

i don't know why they call it heartbreak. 
it feels like every part of my body is broken too.

someone got bored and sent me a survey so i answered it!

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? yes

2. Slept in a different bed? yes
3. Made out in a movie theatre? yes
4. made out with 2 different people in one night? yes
5. Thought your cousin was hot? no... he's like my brother haha
6. Been in love? yes
7. Slept? slept? yes i have gone to sleep in my life before
8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? maybeee....
9. Gone over the speed limit? yes
10. Painted your room? yes- it's tiffany blue now!
11. Drove a car? yes
12. Danced in front of your mirror? oh of course
13. Gotten a hickey? yuppp
14. Been dumped? once
15. Stole money from a friend? i never steal
16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? noo, i don't drive with people i don't know, it's hard to trust them and what they will do
17. Been in a fist fight? nope
18. Snuck out of your house? never
19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? a time or two
20. Been arrested? definitely not
21. Made out with a stranger? hahaha well...
22. Left your house with out telling your parents? maybe? idk
23. Had a crush on your neighbor? oui
24. Ditched school to do something more fun? nope 
25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex ? yes
26. Seen someone die? no, i'm thankful for that
27. Been on a plane? yes
28. Kissed a picture? as a joke
29. Slept in until 3? yes, it's amazing
30. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes i do actually
31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? all the time 
32. Made a snow angel? when i was little
33. Played dress up? all the time
34. Cheated while playing a game? of course
35. Been lonely? sometimes
36. Fallen asleep at work/school on my chem or french book a lot
37. Been to a club? too young
38. Felt an earthquake? yuppp
39. Touched a snake? yes 
40. Ran a red light? hahaha ya
41. Been suspended from school? nope im a good girl
42. Had detention.. NEVER. shockingly
43. Been in a car? yes
44. hated the way you look? yes
45. Witnessed a crime? yes
46. Been lost? yes
47. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes
48. Felt like dying from embarrassment? yes
49. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
50. Sang karaoke? yes
51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? yes
52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? no, luckily
53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no, i haven't been when it was actually snowing
54. Kissed in the rain? yes :)
55. Sung in the shower? only if it's a good day
56. Had a dream that you married someone? nooo
57. played getting married? yes i guess?
58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? nope im not stupid
59. Ever gone to school partially nude? nooo
60. Been a ? wait, what?
61. Sat on a roof top? yes
62. Didn't take a shower for a week? thats yucky
63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? yaaaa
64. Played chicken? im no chicken!
65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes i was pissed
66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yuppp on many occasions 
67. Broken a bone? never
68. Been easily amused? yes
69. Laugh so hard you cry? yes, last week 
70. Cheated on a test? yes...
71. Forgotten someone's name? yes
72. Blacked out from drinking? why would i be honest even if i have?
73. Played a prank on someone? yes
74. Gone to a late night movie? ya
75. Made love to anything not human? ewww no.
76. Failed a class? never
77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? not that i can recall
78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? straight? not that i can think of
79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend? no... well... yes
80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? yes i did!
81. Thrown strange objects? yes sometimes
82. Felt like someone? im always someone. im me
83. Thought about running away? when i was like 12
84. Ran away? noo
85. Had detention and not attend it? ive never gotten a detention
86. Made parents cry? yes
87. Cried over someone? yes
88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? yes
89. Dated someone more than once? yes
90. Have a dog? yes
91. Own an instrument? yes
92. Been in a band? yaaaaaaaaa
93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no. i would die
94. Broken a cd? on accident
95. Shot a gun? in a simulator thing for military
96. Have a major crush on someone right now? ehh..
97. Wanted to date a celebrity? when i was little maybe
98. Been cheated on? yes
99. Have a religion? no
100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? yess

god can heal a broken heart, but he has to have all the pieces

what is the opposite of two? a lonely me, a lonely you

sometimes you can't help but smile and laugh, it makes your heart feel whole again.

when love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.