Sunday, February 13, 2011

wouldn't it be fun to have a baby panther or jaguar or cheetah or leopard or something? i think it would.
the doors. oh my god. i am in love. seriously. this band- AHHHH. i watched the movie "the doors" with my daddy. we sat on the couch while my mom and sister were gone and we turned it on and ate raspberry white chocolate chip cheese cake from Claim Jumper and  watched this movie and it just made me fall in love with the doors. i liked them before but i never really appreciated their music and i am totally in love with them now. everything they stand for. they were for revolutionizing the music industry, about sex drugs and rock and roll, about testing limits and crossing boundaries, kicking the line drawn in the sand until it was just dust, about uncensored music, about saying what they wanted and not caring what anyone else thought about it. i love the fact that half of their songs were created while they were completely intoxicated and under the influence and they still managed to create some of the best songs ever. And how their music is so unprocessed. They are amazing. i could go on for dayyzzzzz hehe :)

i act like shit don't phase me
inside it drives me crazy

just another story... obviously not the picture the story is based off but i think you'll get the picture haha

Jennings told me to make it perfect. I hated this magazine and editing these pictures. The whole industry was fake- they sold shit that was all airbrushed and cut apart to make the girls look like plastic dolls. Too bad I was the one who made everything look like that. As I stared at the large, glossy screen I couldn’t help but become wrapped around the images that appeared. The pictures were going to be vividly etched in my mind for a long time. For some reason, I couldn’t seem to let go of her face- it was as though it was going to be permanently burned into my thoughts. Her tawny colored hair whipped around her face, hanging against her porcelain skin. Greens, grays, and blues were spooled together to create a ribbon of colors in the irises of her eyes. Was the color azure blue? Or was is emerald green or dove gray? I couldn’t tell. A line of black eye liner rimmed the edges of her almond shaped eyes, complimented by smokey, black eye makeup and mascara that made her eye lashes look too long to be real. Her smile looked like it came from the toothpaste ad with full, pink lips that arched in two perfect bumps, separated in the center. She had long, silky hair that hung in loose curls around the edges of her face. A light cerulean blue, baby doll dress was held closely to her chest then flowed out, much like a wave when it crashes against rugged rocks on  a coast line- when the colors wash out and just leave a frothy white and light blue mixture, throwing an explosion of the water into the air. Her body was sprawled across the rocks. She looked godly, almost supernatural. You never saw this kind of beauty. She extended her neck, a little arch was formed in her back and her perfectly sculpted face was tilted back. The girl closed her eyes, seeming to absorb the sun’s rays. I wished I could know her, figure out what she’s like. I wanted to know what made her tick- how she really felt about things. This girl looked confident, unstoppable. I traced the contours of her body with my eyes. Perfection. Each line looked painted, like she was some kind of masterpiece God had created to make the rest of us on this damn planet envy her. I could picture the camera clicking in my mind, snapping the images as she posed for the photographer. She knew her stuff. Her body twisted and curved, bending and molding herself into positions I’d never seen before. All for a few pictures. I accentuated the concave in her back, thinning her already tiny waist and smoothed out the top of the dress that wrapped around her chest. The lines were smooth and long, shaped perfectly. Plastic. A silver chain hung around her neck, falling over those perfect collar bones that formed two, fragile lines beneath her skin. The bones framed the silver, heart shaped pendant that rested against her skin.  There was not a single freckle on her face or a blemish on her skin. I could see where a section of hair may have been blown by the wind, only to be immediately tucked back into place by the awaiting crew. Their job was only to make everything happen- get the snobby, hundred pound models their water, do their makeup, tie the little strings on the bikinis that were being modeled for Dolce and Gabanna’s new line, zipping up the dresses by Michael Kors and Versace, buckling on the thousand dollar heels by Jimmy Choo and making sure everything went as planned. I studied the picture a little harder. The girl looked exotic, her bronzed shoulders were pushed back as she arched her back much like a mermaid would in a movie as she basked playfully in the sunshine. Her statuesque beauty was thrilling. I let my eyes skim over the picture as I looked at it fondly. It was as though she was glowing. She was like a life sized barbie doll, someone who was too perfect to be real. It’s because she wasn’t. I smiled at the thought of the girl I remembered, knowing I would never see her again. That girl on the screen with the perfectly toned, slim body and proportioned features couldn’t be real. I had retouched every aspect of her image. Of course she looked better than before, how could she not. I couldn’t help but feel saddened by the fact that this extraordinary beauty could never be real, not in this world. I finally came to a conclusion. She was a goddess. 

I met her at a truck stop outside dallas 
she had white lilies in her hair 
she was dancing with a preacher
to a song in A minor
I'll never forget that smile
smile because i cant take this broken look in your eyes any more. it's killing me to see the life slowly drain from your smile. i just want to hear that soft little laugh and see the dimples on your cheeks because that's the girl i know. 

i know they say you can't go home again
i just had to come back one last time
ma'am, i know you don't know me from adam
but these hand prints on the front steps are mine

up those stairs in that little back bedroom
is where i did my homework and learned how to play the guitar
and i bet you didn't know that under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

i thought if i could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing
out here its like i'm someone else
i thought that maybe i could find myself.

if i could just come in, i swear i'll leave
won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me

mama cut out pictures of houses for years
from "better homes and garden" magazine
plans were drawn and concrete poured
and nail by nail and board by board
daddy gave life to mama's dream

 i thought it i could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing
out here it's like i'm someone else
i thought that maybe i could find myself

if i could just come in, i swear i'll leave
won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me

you leave home, you move on
and you do the best you can
i got lost in this whole world
and forgot who i am

i thought if i could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing
out here it's like i'm someone else 
i thought that maybe i could find myself

if i could walk around, i swear i'll leave
won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me

please just shut up and eat a freakin cupcake. 
i got the Iphone 4 for Verizon and i must say... i love it!!! it is such a fun toy hahha i love the fact that you can have your phone, texting, email, internet, games, random apps, GPS, camera, etc etc etc all in one. it is so nice hahaha so if you are thinking about getting it... DO IT! it is amazing
all i've got left are these handfuls of fuck you.

kiss me.

i like it when you're sinful. i like it when you're wishful. i like when you get a little bit wild. i like it when you're crazy. i like that deadly little smile that spreads across your face i like the thrill of the chase.
sorry if i'm not being funny right now. sometimes i get tired of always being so mean and sarcastic about everything.... tell me if you would really like me to go back to being "funny" because i'll work on it for ya, but sometimes i like being a little serious