Thursday, December 16, 2010

Go out with a bang

 If i'm goin out im going out with a bang. im going out with a smile on my face god damn it. im going to be happy! because i deserve to be happy. don't i? after all that i have been through i deserve to go down with a smile on my face. maybe i'll fade into the setting sun as i walk into the horizon holding my middle finger in the air singin the song i want to sing... just because im cool like that

So this is how it feels to be you against the world

everything has been falling apart today and this shit makes me feel better. thank god for music i would die without it!!!

Why do i fall for the bad boys?

For some reason i'm always the girl falling for the bad boy- the one that walks around with swag and doesn't care about rules, who loves life and knows how to live it, who doesn't give a fuck about authority and lives how he wants to live. I end up with the cocky ones who walk all over girls, date for sex, smoke, drink, do drugs. I end up with the ones that would get arrested or have to go to anger management classes. I end up falling for the guys that are mysterious who don't wear their heart on their sleeve, who make me work for what i want, who i can tease. The ones that are dirty and know it. And like it. They are more fun. What can i say, the danger is a little bit invigorating and it rebellion keeps things interesting. Now all i've gotta do is find a guy who won't cheat lie and steal, who won't break my heart and walk out when they are done. I don't think the guys that I've been with have been very good in that department. But hey- i know how to handle them now hahaha
If you are a guy and you have never done this before I am proud of you. If you are a girl and you have never done this before, I am even prouder ;) Oh come on, don't tell me when you are all screaming over Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen and Taylor Lautner that you have never thought about it. Because that would be a lie. Now wouldn't it. 

Time to be free

Sometimes you've gotta be free. Sometimes you've gotta let go of everything that is pulling you down. Smile. And say fuck it. Dance in your underwear, be a little kid again, sing, don't care who's listening, kiss long and slow, smile, laugh until you cry, breathe. Because as soon as you let go then you are on your way to being free and that is the best feeling in the world.

I wanna be a kid again

Sometimes i wish i could be a little kid again. Because everything seems to be getting harder. School isn't so easy and more. You actually have to listen you aren't adding 2+2. The girls aren't running away from boys saying ew they have cooties. They are getting with them. The new form of cooties is STD's. The only hurt we ever got was a scraped up knee or a paper cut- broken hearts are harder to bandage up. After a while all the lies and the hurt builds up and you can't kiss it and make it better. When you were sad you cried and pouted. Now you put a fake smile on your face and try not to fall apart even though you are broken on the inside.You used to say I like you and now you are looking at the boy you like saying i love you. He doesn't say i like you too he says i love you too. Then it doesn't work and your teenage love affair comes to an end. and you see him walking down the hallway with some other girl and all you can do was imagine if it was still you. Your idea of fun was  playing soccer and baseball and playing tag at recess. Now its going to parties and drinking and having sex and drugs. The most trouble you ever got in was a time out now you are getting expelled from schools and losing friends and getting grounded and sitting in detention. Driving used to be something mommy and daddy did all the time and something you could do when you were a big girl. but now you're the one in the drivers seat. When you were sad your parents were there to give you a hug now you're sitting alone crying yourself to sleep because there is no one there to hug you. You can thank drama, relationships, and hormones for that. People come and go now and your friends are having problems and the world is falling apart. I want to be 5 years old again because i am hurting too much right now and i want to be innocent again and see through 5 year old's eyes. Just for a day. To remember what its like to be happy.... truly happy.

Here’s a condom. Since you’re acting like a dick, you should dress like one.

Why You?

When i look at you all i can think is- oh my god. i can not believe i had sex with him. i mean really. everyone is going to have one in their life that they regret or just say WHY did i do that????  But really. Why him of all people hahaha what the hell was i thinking when i did that because now he can say ya me and her fucked and that is embarassing hahahahha