SOMETIMES SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING REALLY SMALL AND IT JUST FITS RIGHT INTO THIS EMPTY PLACE IN YOUR HEART 

she stood with a horrified look on her face, knowing that life as she'd know it had come to an end. there was no long room for dreaming. only reality.

insomnia.

well its 2:40 in the morning and i cant sleep so i decided to make a list of things to do when you can't sleep but want to and are trying to think of ways to crash:

1- eat. eat like all the stuff that makes you tired. you know, like after thanksgiving dinner when you just want to die because you are so full and fall asleep on the couch. eat like that.

2- take a bubble bath. its relaxing. just don't fall asleep in the tub you might drown.

3- start an art project, write something, color

4- waste an hour hitting refresh on facebook nothing on your newsfeed will change- so you'll get bored and go to bed

5- watch a chick flick they are boring and would make you rather want to sleep than watch them

6- listen to music in the dark you will fall asleep in 20 minutes tops

7- read some trashy magazine like cosmopolitan its so fun to read because it is so dirty and no one is there to yell at you when you start reading all the sex tips haha

8- clean your room, mind as well be productive

9- shop online, its a good way to waste time

10- read random crap online like FML its hilarious

Charlie bit my finger

I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS FROM A ROSE ON THE GREY. THE MORE I GET OF YOU, STRANGER IT FEELS AND NOW THAT YOUR ROSE IS IN BLOOM, A LIGHT HITS THE GLOOM ON THE GREY.

They weren't there

You breathed infinity into my world 

And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl. 

We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night. 

Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind, 

We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh, 

Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found, 

But I was alive and now I've drowned. 

So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song 

So they can tell me I was wrong... 

But they weren't there beneath your stare, 

And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of 

Any bindings from the world outside that room. 

And they weren't taken by the hand 

And led through fields of naked land 

Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away... 

So I couldn't say "no". 

You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew. 

You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say, 

I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know, 

Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him" 

But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found, 

But I was alive and now I've drowned. 

So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song 

So they can tell me I was wrong... 

But they weren't there beneath your stare, 

And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare 

Of any bindings from the world outside that room. 

And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields 

Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away... 

But they weren't there beneath your stare, 

And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare 

Of any bindings from the world outside that room. 

And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields 

Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away... 

So I couldn't say "no". 

hmm....

sometimes i fall down. but i always get back up. sometimes i feel weak but i always put a smile on my face and stand up and say i'm okay. sometimes i feel broken, but i don't like to cry. i've never liked to cry. so i pick myself up and keep walking. life movies on. everyone has their moments but those moments pass and you see what is beautiful see what is worth smiling about in life. sometimes you need to wake up. look at yourself in the mirror and say i'm beautiful- i'm confident- i like my life. even if you don't. because you are supposed to smile at life. not be miserable.

miss you

all i wanna do is smile. and somehow you are the only one that can make me. i don't know what it is about you- maybe its that stupid little sideways grin that spreads across your face or the look you get in your eyes when i look at you. i've always loved the way it felt holding your hand and when i'd run my fingers through your hair. i haven't smiled in a while babe, and i kinda miss it. i'm starting to feel a little lost a little empty- maybe its because i only felt whole when i was with you. getting piggy back rides because i forgot my shoes and the pavement was too hot, laying on the side walk with my head in your lap, having you pick me up and spin me in circles with a flower in my hair. Somehow i can't seem to forget how good it felt with you. How happy i was with you in my life. but you are long gone. Wish i could ask you to come back. but i think i hurt you one too many times didn't i?

you were right. you've always been right.

someone sent this to me so i figured i'd do it haha

name? kaitlyn alexis

name spelled backwards? sixela nyltiak

nicknames/ pet names? bunny (dont ask), green bean, babydoll, pumpkin, angel baby, babe, baby, love, cutie pie, schnookums, cupcake, etc etc etc

birthday? february 4th

age? 15

sign? aquarius

married or divorced? married <333333

favorite colors? aqua blue, pink, red.

orange or apple juice? orange

what are you hearing right now? football game

current job? currently unemployed. haha

last thing you ate? strawberries :)

current disappointment: i am so bored and my plans for tonight got ruined

last kiss? everyone already knows this.

craving right now? starbucks, stride peppermint gum, chips and salsa

last thing you bought? knee high leather boots from steve madden and 2 jackets and a coat from bcbg

any song lyric? you just hurt my goddamn feeling. and that was the last one i had. - eminem

current annoyance? people gettting over involved in my relationships

night or day? NIGHT

go to the movies or rent? go to the movies

ever stolen anything? nope

last person you were on the phone with? Jen <3

last time you showered? last night

loud or soft music? loud

mcdonalds or burger king? burger king

number of pillows? 2 or 3

piano or guitar? either :) i love both

ever moved? yes

do you believe in love at first sight? no. i believe that love takes time. i believe in attraction at 1st sight

do you like to party? i love to party :)

last time you cut your hair? like 2 or 3 months ago. im growing it out

is your hair dyed? nope. all natural.

what is the weather like right now? stormy. raining. cold. haha

do you like this kind of weather? yes. i love the rain haha

birthplace? orange county

christmas or halloween? for family- christmas. for parties- halloween

colored or black and white photos? black and whites usually :)

do long distance relationships work? nope. they dont

do you believe in astrology? nope i think its BS

are you currently happy? yes i am!!!!

sleep with or without clothes on? depends on the day... t shirt or bra and undiess :) hehhee

blue or black pens? blue usually

dress up for halloween? if im not grounded- yes. 

do you like someone? yes

do they know? yes they do

do you like more than one person? kinda

who sleeps with you every night? ...........

think you're attractive? why would you ask this?

want to get married? yes

to who? you of course :)

want kids? Yes.

how many? 3-- 2 boys and one girl

like to travel? yes i do i like seeing new places

best form of procrastination? blogging facebook writing

favorite ice cream? fishfood by ben and jerrys or the cinnamon swirl by ben and jerrys or blackberry cabernet sorbet. soooooo yummy

favorite type of food? chinese or mexican

favorite restaurant? TAO in vegas

like to cook? very much

favorite thing to cook? i have my own chicken marsala recipe and pancake recipe, i like making this chinese chicken salad i love cooking italian food and chinese food i havent really learned how to cook mexican food yet

relationship status? single.... its complicated????  but single...

height? 5'2 biotchhhh

eye color? green/gray/blue/gold they change a lot

any animals? pupppppyyyyyy

ever gotten in a fight? oh yaaa

sports? grew up around baseball

have you been faithful? yes. i have never cheated. i have never even thought of cheating. and i can honestly say that

ever been cheated on? yes. i have.

how many times? more than once.

last serious talk? yesterday actually

last time you cried? friday i believe

last time you hugged someone? today

last time you laughed until you cried? too long ago

last time you felt stupid? today.

last time you bought something? today actually

last time you talked to someone you loved? used to love... weeks and weeks ago

last time you missed someone? im missing someone now

have you ever smoked? never

have you ever been in love? yes i have

have you ever hiked a mountian? yuppp

have you ever seen the white house? mhmm 8th grade

have you ever eaten a whole box of oreos? every single day

have you ever been dumped? yes

have you ever kissed someone? of course

have you ever played monopoly? yes it is a very long game

have you ever been on a plane? yupp

have you ever been on a boat? yes

have you been in a car accident? yes i have

have you ridden an elephant? i wish!

have you ever made a web page? yaaa im blogging so yes hahaha

have you ever played barbies? when i was little :)

have you ever taken a bubble bath? i did yesterday!

have you ever pulled an all nighter? OF COURSE

have you ever dumped someone and regretted it? yes i have

have you ever been afraid of the dark? i love the dark.

have you ever lied? hahahah yes....

have you ever gone out with more than one person at a time? nope i have not

have you ever been arrested? no

have you ever had stitches? nope 

have you ever been in trouble for talking in class? like every single week i get in trouble for that haha

have you ever been kicked out of class? at least twice a month

have you ever used food for something other than to eat? haha uhmmm......

have you ever fallen asleep in class? every day

have you ever gotten in trouble in class? yes.

have you ever hated yourself? unfortunately

have you ever hurt yourself? unfortunately yes.

have you ever met a celebrity? not that i can recall

have you ever broken the law? hahahaahhahahahhaa

have you ever been heartbroken? i still am.

have you ever broken someone else's heart? yes i have and i feel awful about it

are you a virgin? no

have you ever hurt a friend? yes i have

have you ever done something really stupid? all the time

have you ever broken a bone? nope

have you ever had a crush on a teacher? yes

have you ever called a psychic or sex hotline? OHHHH YAAAAA every single day!!! hahah no.

favorite guy names? eric, river, derek, jason, blake, austin, hunter, casey, colin, tyler, drew, bryce, sky, kyle, mike, justin, donovan, andrew, alec, cameron, cole, dylan, evan, gavin, holden, conor, jake, josh, zak

favorite girl names? chelsea, amber, lexi, eryn, grace, sam, casey, brynne, bree, kelsea, jamie, rachel, amanda, rae, victoria, ashley, brooke, cierra, dani, avery, michaela, madison

favorite holiday? christmas or valentine's day

favorite season? winter

favorite number/s? 11 and 27

favorite day of the week? friday saturday or wednesday

favorite animal? tiger or leopard

favorite soda? Dr. Pepper and baja blast mtn. dew is pretty good tooo

favorite instrument? cello, guitar, or piano

favorite mall? spectrum or mission viejo mall

favorite sport? grew up around baseball, i like watching sports though.. football, soccer, lacrosse, etc.

favorite vacation spot? hawaii or zion

favorite flower? roses i like lilies too but im allergic

favorite state? New York, Cali, or Hawaii

Favorite perfume? miss dior cheri, vera wang princess, versace

favorite car? i love the mustang

favorite month? february, july, december

favorite cartoon? tom and jerry :) hehe

favorite TV show? CSI, Castle, the mentalist, fringe, all that kinda stuff

favorite book? i love in cold blood by truman capote but i can not choose just one

your best friend? Rachel Hartman.

best friends that are girls? rachel hartman, raquel cdebaca, rachel berkowitz, jamie belzowski, emmallee woodward, kelly savage, ivana rhiter, tanja radic, courtney mccarthy, oakley strassner

best friends that are guys? holden lager, cody west, ryan page, joey farcone, kyle goodbrand, brett hayes, etc. etc. etc haha derek garcia ;) hehehee

favorite magasine? seventeen, vogue, cosmopolitan, elle

favorite fruit? strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapefruit, pineapple

favorite vegetable? avacado, potatoes, sweet potatoes, salad, celery, cucumbers

favorite saying? c'est la vie

favorite quote? toooo many...

favorite candy? sour patch, starburst, reeses, twix

favorite band? the doors

favorite language? to listen to- french.

like to swim? yes

like to dance? definitely

have a pool? yuppp

have a car? no

what do you look for in a friend? someone who is fun who i can talk to who is loyal who can make me smile. honestly means everything to me.

what do you look for in a girl/ guy? i want a guy who can make me smile, who i can be silly around and who is silly around me and doesn't judge me for it, i want someone who likes to laugh and go do stupid things like ride ferris wheels and go ice skating. i want someone who i can be honest with who i can trust, someone who i can talk to and who will support me and what i do. i want someone who can look past the mistakes ive made and look at me for who i am now. i want someone who is faithful. 

time you get up? school days: 5:30 weekends: between 11 and 1

time you go to sleep? late. between 11 and 3 usually

ever skip school? .............

what are you wearing? a sweatshirt thong and little ugg boots haha

what did you eat for dinner? i didnt eat dinner

have you ever been convicted of a crime? luckily no

what song made you cry? slow dancing in a burning room, nicest things, almost lover

favorite possessions: my silver tiffany's ring- i wear it every day, ugg boots, my computer, my camera, my gray sweater, this one necklace... scrapbook

current obsessions? the doors, acrylics, red and back nail polish, strawberries, blackberry cabernet sorbet, starbucks coffee, the snow flake on my acrylics haha, chips and salsa, victorias secret, the rain, my boots

does christmas music played too far away from christmas bother you? YESSSSS SOOO MUCH

best halloween costume you've ever had? hahahahah cant answer this

do you like hugs? very much

do you like to walk in the rain? YESSS

do you have a goldfish? i want one

do you believe in god? not any more...

do you laugh easily? no i dont sadly

ever kissed a girl? yuppp

are you religious? no not any more

are you okay dating someone religious? yes i am as long as they dont preach

do you get along with your family? i love my family

get grounded a lot? all the time

get along with your friends? yes

run into walls and doors? i usually fall down stairs or trip randomly haha

blonde? no. maybe i should be though

are you a bum? ohhh ya

do you shower? every day

do you hate school? sometimes

do you have a social life? yes. haha

are you a dare devil? i dont usually do stupid things that can physically hurt me haha

do you trust people easily? no. i dont any more. 

do you want to sky dive? kinda

do you think you are funny? not really. i am witty.

are you a serious person? i can be. im pretty deep if you get to know me

do you work out? 24 hour fitness babyyy

do you want to go to college? ya

do you ever feel insecure? at times

have you ever hurt yourself because of someone else? yes.

have you ever been to counciling? yes.

have you ever wanted to change the way you looked? yes

do you believe in karma? definitely

do you believe in fate? not so much

do you believe in life after death? no

do you believe in love? working on that

do you believe in yourself? i believe in confidence

do you cry easily? not at all. i never cry really

do you have a tan? im like albino

do you like taking pictures? yes

do you like having your picture taken? i am comfortable in front of cameras

do you like amusement parks? love them

are you considered a flirt? yes haha

do you like coffee? yes im addicted

do you have braces? no.

do you have allergies? flowers haha

do you like parties? yes very very much haha

do you get along with people? ya im a very social person

naughty or nice? naughty ;)

do you spend too much money? i am a compulsive shopper

is your room clean? haha god no

favorite hobbies? photography and writing and stuff :)

 Go ahead, just keep hurting me. It’s not like your feelings are involved anyway.

live your life!

sometimes you just have to say screw it and have a little fun in life. do what you want. dance in your underwear. swim in the rain. sing at the top of your lungs. kiss long. smile. love with your whole heart. go ice blocking. throw glitter in the air. stay up late. laugh. laugh until you cry. dream. and never forget.

So happy together

Imagine me and you, 
I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together 
If I should call you up (call you up) 
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind (ease my mind)
Imagine how the world could be
So very fine (very fine)
So happy together

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they tossed the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they tossed the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba 
Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they tossed the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together
O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.
So happy together
O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.
How is the weather
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba) 
So happy together
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba)
We're happy together
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba)
So happy together...
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba)
So happy together...
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba)
So happy together...
(Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba Ba ba)

Throne of Lies

i love buddy the elf. he makes me happy

reinterpretation

"I’m not always as confident as I seem. There are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about what is bothering me. Sometimes I just want a hug. Someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me - when people aren’t afraid to show what they’re really feeling. I don’t like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn’t do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it’s like to see something funny and not laugh. I’ve been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart. And my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever."

i read this. and for some reason it made me think. i have seen a few people blog this passage and i am going to write my own version. so here it goes:

i am confident. i am confident in my opinions. i stand up for my beliefs. i enjoy being strong and independent. i have my issues with myself and i have days where i just want to cry. but i am not insecure. i dont want to be held. it makes me feel weak. i love to cuddle its one of my favorite things to do but i dont want to be held, i dont want to be babied. i dont want to cry. all i want to do is smile. i want someone who will make me laugh when everything seems to be going wrong. i dont like when people cry. i can deal with it. but i dont like to see people cry. to see people hurt. i like deep conversations and when people tell me whats one their mind but i dont want to see them sad. i think some people get hurt by their feelings and sometimes it is easier to look past them then dwell on them. i dont think you should deny them. but i think that you shouldnt have to talk about every little thing.  i dont wear my heart on my sleeve. i dont trust people enough for that. if i care about you i will tell you. i am not naive. i know how it feels to be completely broken and i know all too well how it feels to be hurt. i laugh when i think something is funny. but sometimes it is an empty laugh. i have been taken advantage of ive been used ive been abused. me feelings have been blatantly disregarded. i believe that some people have a good heart but others have bad intentions. i have no trust any more. i have a giant wall that you have to break down to get in. i am that way because trust leads to hurt

remember when you used to look at me and smile and say i love you? when you'd kiss my hair and randomly pick me up and give me piggy back rides? remember when you used to tell me that you wanted to grow old with me- when we talked about getting married and that dream house of ours and honeymooning on a beach somewhere in greece or jamaica? remember when you'd walk me to the door and kiss me good night? and you couldn't seem to walk away because you knew you'd miss me a few seconds after the door was closed? Remember when i was your everything and you'd treat me like a princess? You would say that you were so lucky to have me in your life. Remember the starbucks runs and our movie nights and ordering pizza at 10 pm? Do you remember the way it felt after we kissed when we'd still be laying there eyes unfocused noses touching? Do you remember the first time we said i love you? Because now we walk past each other and act like we never spoke. We avert our eyes and look at the ground or send a text message instead of smiling and saying hello. Do you remember me? Because i used to be your world.

Just wanna see you smile

i love seeing that smile on your face. when everything seems to be falling apart you are always there for me to hold my hand and tell me it will be okay even when i think its not. you deserve to be happy.

don't let me like him any more

I get a text from my friend. 

"Me and so and so are done"

like done done?

"yes. its over for good" 

why???

" we just dont care any more. time to move on ya know?"

yaaa i get it.

"don't let me like him any more."

well i can't do that... i dont have that kind of power

"make me not like him"

okay. ill do my best with that one

"whatever. time to move on. just no spark. hes just going to talk shit on me"

don't say that. no he won't

"he is though."

FUCK BOYS. DON'T DO THAT TO GIRLS. IT IS DICK.

Come cuddle with me

I want to lay in bed and cuddle all day with the boy i like. too bad i can't. blahhhh this is cuddle weather and i am not cuddling with anyone right now and its depressing me. someone come cuddle with me right now please? Im sitting on the couch under like 3 blankets watching a movie and drinking hot chocolate. hahahhaaa i love this weather but not when im by myself. then its just depressing.

insomnia

insomnia |inˈsämnēə|

noun

habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep.

DERIVATIVES

insomniac |-nēˌak| noun & adjectiveORIGIN early 17th cent.: from Latin, from insomnis‘sleepless,’ from in- (expressing negation) + somnus‘sleep.’

ITS 2 AM

its 2 am. i can't sleep. i keep thinking about this week and wondering why everything is the way it is. i go from being so happy to being miserable. its like a roller coaster with huge ups and downs. its not very fun. but i was happy today. its raining outside. and the glare of the christmas lights is reflecting off the roof. tomorrow is going to be a good day. i am going to make it a good day.

Yellow.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you 

BUDDY THE ELF

I LOVE YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Just the way you are!

Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying 
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah