Sunday, June 26, 2011

hi :) i have a couple for you. 1) favorite drinks at starbucks 2) where do you buy your makeup 3) do you like shopping? where? 4) cutest date you ever went on 5) phobias 6) what do you hate about mornings 7) do you have a crush on anyone right now

i love drinking chai lattes, skinny cinnamon dolce lattes, passion fruit iced tea with raspberry sweetener. sooo yummy! i buy my makeup from bobbi brown, MAC, and sephora. I live in sephora though. i love shopping! nordstrom, arden b. , steve madden, urban outfitters, ANGL, random places but those are just a few. I am deathly afraid of spiders. Like seriously, i scream even when i see little ones. I hate waking up and having it be cold when you have to get up. i also kinda hate eating in the morning it makes me feel yucky. and kinda :)

i am currently making some changes in my life. if you don't hear from me anymore, you're probably one of them

so you crash a party where everyone there doesn't like you. you argue about alcohol. you lie about where you live when they don't let you drive home. then you come back to the house and say that you were just going to sleep there.i knew that you were stupid. but damn, you keep breaking your record every day.

you bought your kid a $30,000 car. he totals it. you get him another car. he totals that one too. why the fuck would you keep buying this kid cars when all he does it race them, crash them, and hurt himself in them.

 The moon. I have always been drawn to it. Connected, in some inexplicable way. A silent kinship. There’s the moon, asking to stay. All my life, I’ve regarded it with a solemn reverence. For the tempestuous storm it brews. The ebb and flow. Love, lust, and longing. Sorrow and anguish. Strength and hope. Brazen resilience. An image of change. Of life itself. Birth and death and rebirth. Continuous incontinuity. Everything amounts to this enormous beauty I know I will never fully be able to grasp. In all this, the moon reflects the heart of life. The kaleidoscope flux of the soul. The moon. It’s a cause for introspection. A mirror of who I have been, and a promise of who I can become.
I changed when you came into my life. Time and experience had left me rough around the edges. I learned to get on, without needing anything or anyone else. I never wanted to be different or try and be better for any other person. But then you happened. You showed me what it was to love. How beautiful it could be to share something like that with another person. And then I wanted to be better for you all of the time. For some reason, I was never able to do it. It took losing you for me to realise what an awful person I had become by the end of our relationship. I couldn’t see it then, the way I do now. The truth is that I mistreated you. I was selfish, unreasonable, and immature. You did not deserve it. I need you to know how sorry I am for who I was. I want you to know that I know I was unfair to you, and that I regret it deeply. For as much as I loved you, I never ever should have treated you the way I did. I am so sorry. I don’t know how or why I became that person, but she isn’t someone I would recognize now.
When our relationship ended, I found myself down a passage of self-reflection, the depth of which I had never before traversed. I had to come to terms with the faults and weaknesses I began to see within me. I realised that I had neglected a lot of people in my life. I had spent most of my life unable to see anything beyond my own stupid hang ups. I was so self-involved and intent on shutting out the rest of the world, that I had failed to give those I loved what they deserved from me. I don’t think I truly understood what guilt felt like until that point.
I used to think a lot about the people I didn't have in my life anymore. Of those, there were some that the circumstances of life took from me, and others that I let fall away. It was faith that made me believe that you would never become one of those people. I had spent too much time grieving over the ones who had left, and I reminded myself to be grateful for those that remained. I always tried to make sure I appreciated your presence in my life. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. I’ve learned too much from life to ever make that mistake again. When we were together, it was because of you that I wanted to be a better person. Throughout your absence, that sentiment remains. And I owe it to you. You were always there for me. I don’t have words to express how much you’ve taught me about love, faith, and what it means to be a good person. Thank you.
The last thing I want to tell you is how much you meant to me. I will never forget our time together. You changed my life. And if I know anything at all, it’s that what we had was real. My love for you was true. And I loved you the best way I knew how. I haven’t said it with a lot of words or any poeticism, but there it is. As honest as I can say it.

and i come with imperfections. epitome of perfection. if you can't understand, loving the way i am. then you're no good for me

she's the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. the one that hopes for a better day. the one that won't give up on you. she's the girl that's unlike the rest. the one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. she's the girl that would love to be loved. the one that looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. she's the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

never leave sometime good to find something better because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better

when love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal

i'm in hell now and no one else, but myself has drag me here and no one, but myself will get me out of here

i'm afraid it's already been said
someone else has put pen to paper
and my thoughts have already been read

memory is a complicated thing, a relative to the truth, but not its twin

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