I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I AM UP TO NO GOOD

Sunday, December 12, 2010

LOOK MOMMY! SHE LOOKS LIKE BARBIE!

Okay, so i am at the grocery store. I am in my pajamas. I came for poptarts okay? And this lady is walking next to me. And she is blonde. Like blonde blonde. Like oh my god did you buy that out of a box? blonde. Like blonder than Gaga blonde. And she's got on her Juicy sweats. Pink. Of course. And the crop top. thats pink too. Belly button piercing. Fake tan. Like oh my god? did you mean to look that orange? you look like a fucking oompa loompa! tan. Stomach showing. Major cleavage with the leopard straps. Like did you buy a fucking bombshell bra from victoria's secret? status. Did you want to have your boobs go up to your neck? Watch she probably did. shes probably like an A or a B and now she's a D because of that bra or she got a boob job. That's probably it. So in that case. Shes like a triple E. She's got the huge glossy lips. Injected? The perfect nose. Where'd you get it done? The dark eye shadow with the liquid eye liner to give her cat eyes. The huge diamond earrings and the cute little tiffanys bracelet with her wedding ring. I have money. Can you tell? She's on her iphone talking in a very fake, annoying voice. She turns around. Juicy written in rhinestones on her ass. Little girl walks by. "Mommmy! Look! SHE LOOKS LIKE BARBIE! BUT SHE'S OLD!" Way to try and be a MILF. You failed miserably.

Booobiesss

"im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars"

Hahaha this made me laugh. So guys, just wondering. When you are hooking up with multiple girls, do you guys really send each other texts like this? Because if so... that is so wrong and so hilarious. Guess it's a good thing that i'm not the 32A im the other one.. I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone because I am a "regular". And you know the girl is sitting there going Oh my god! Chad* is over. and the guy is like, SEX? alright i'm down. But as soon as she's off the rag I'm going back to the chick with big boobs.

Sugarland - Stay

Im not a big fan of country music but this is amazing

Please tell me that there is some truth behind those pale gray eyes and that faint little smile that is spread across your face. I don't think I can bare any more disappointment.

Look its the baby turtle from finding nemo

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww isn't it cute!?!?!?! i want a little baby turtle that will sit in my hand and smile at me. That would make me so very happy. It looks like the little baby turtle from finding nemo... you know the one thats always like DUUUUUDDDEEEE ddduuuddeee DUUUUUDEEEEE and saying nogin and shit haha but its real not animated hehe awwww im in love with it look how adorable. It would probably eat my hand or something

im bored and im rambling.

Its true. When you're not around i really don't know where to go.. what to do.. what to say. I don't know who to talk to when I'm up at 3 AM or what to eat when I am looking in my refrigerator. You are my decision maker... You were my decision maker. And now I am so indecisive. I am so weird. Without you here no street seems crowded and my phone never rings. It is a lonely existence without you in my life. I don't know what kind of juice to buy i only remember the kind of poptarts you like and I am beginning to feel a little bit lost without you. And my world is starting to spin in circles and i keep wishing you were here to hold my hand and to make me jump. But i can't find you. I can never find you. It makes me sad.

The pre-party

I think that getting ready is sometimes actually more fun than going to the event. I mean really, when you think about it, sitting around in your house with your girlfriends trying to decide what to wear, doing your hair and your makeup and your nails, picking out your shoes walking around in them and your bra and underwear, curling your hair and putting on your eyeliner is so much fun! Or at least I have fun with it. Its like the pre-excitement for the event and getting to hang out and get ready and take pictures. I love it. It is one of my favorite things hahhaha

WORD OF THE DAY

TIBIALOCONCUPISCENT

HAVING THE LASCIVIOUS INTEREST IN WATCHING A WOMAN PUT ON STOCKINGS

Shirtless guys with sunglasses, tans, tattoos, and a face like that? Always good in my book

Friday, December 10, 2010

If I wanted to be controlled, I would have came with a remote.

The wise words of Mae West

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.

I must agree with Mae West on this one. If I'm going to be good, I can be good. If I want to be a good girl I can be, but being bad is just so much more fun. Breaking the rules and participating in dirty acts just makes life so much more exciting. I can be good- really really good. Or at least act good but being bad is my preference ;)

She doesn't care

he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

They always say they are going to be faithful until something better comes along and then he is all over the new girl of the minute. So I think a lot of girls take it as a challenge if they like a guy and he has a girl. They don't see the look in her eyes when she smiles up at him and the way she feels holding his hand and kissing him. She doesn't hear it when he says he loves her and that he is so lucky to have her. She doesn't care about hurting her feelings. She only cares about the cute boy sitting in front of her. Making her kisses lust not love and her words trash not genuine. And to think that some skank can come along and ruin things in an hour when she spent so much timing loving and caring for him. It makes you wonder if she has a heart.

oh thanks guys. i love getting random pictures about giving clowns blow jobs when i'm sick it makes me feel so much better <3

You're my everything ♥

You're the smile on my face. You're the light that brightens the dark. You're my anywhere any time at all. You are the hand in mine when the world is falling apart. You are the stars in my sky. You are the breathe on the sheets. You are my will to be weird. You are the sun in my eyes. You are the fight in my heart. You're my motivation to get up in the morning and the reason I can sleep at night. You're my everything.

You aren't beautiful. You're beyond it.

Who knows what this is.....

You know when you first meet someone, you never think that they are going to hurt you. They smile they talk you watch their eyes the way the grin spreads across their face the way they brush their hair back or put their hands in their pockets. You think they're nice. Unless its a crazy homeless guy or some pedophile but you get to know them. You talk to them. Learn about them. And then they let you down. And then you tell them not to. They do it again. You tell them not to blow this. You tell them that you really like them not to mess this up. The next time you start getting a little annoyed. You are hooked on them by now. Why do they keep doing this? Making these mistakes? A little time goes by... one more fight. You tell them you dont want to give up on them. They promise you that they wont. They do. Again. Why are you still giving them a shot? MY GOD WOMAN! Kick him to the curb already. He lets you down again. It hurts you. Now your voice is nothing but a whisper. You expect him to let you down but pray he won't. He always does. You whisper as you tell him to get his things and go. He let you down.

I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with the man i thought you were

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Duchess

Today i watched the Dutchess with Kierra Knightley in it. I must say that I liked it very much. I always love all these old european films for some reason. I love the drama, the fashion, the elaborate dresses and hats, the affairs, the houses. It is one giant party with so much tension thrown in and it is wonderful. I love Kierra's role as the Duke's wife. She is witty and independent but so vulnerable. You see her struggle with her husband as he goes through countless affairs and steals from her the only friend she has, taking her as his mistress. You see her sarcasm and need to voice her opinion and her great love of fashion and it was wonderful to watch if you are in the mood for something like that. It captured an image of romanticism- the emotion and her struggles between being a slave in her own home under her husband's power and sharing her life with the man she truly loved. I must say... i love the drama of all of it.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Girls, if a guy pauses a video game to text you back…marry him

NEWS FLASH: another girl can’t “steal” your guy, the guy decides he likes her more. reality hurts.

Oh the dilemmas

"how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol."

Bahahhaa wow that girl must have been pretty damn ugly. I can see it now. Some easy girl at a party, "let's go upstairs, okay babe?" the guy uhmmm.... whips out phone texts friend with the "hey dude, theres this girl thats up to have sex with me but she's fucking beat" friend responds "have fun with that one" and he says that hahaha oh my.. the dilemmas. Wouldn't life be better if there were only hot girls that way you wouldn't end up in this position?

Yummmm

Oh my god, this guy i know just got a tat on the inside of his lip that says "est. 1993" i thought it was pretty cute actually because it was like when he was born and stuff. I think it would hurt to get a tattoo on the inside of your lips. That doesn't sound like very much fun. But i guess it looks sick sometimes

Karma’s got me fearing life, see I got demons in my past.

Best Costumes

So... everyone is having ABC and costume parties right now. We decided to share a few :)

Pebbles from the Flinstones- pink/ red hair cute little cave girl outfit

Tiger- Ripped up tiger print tube top with a short, black tool skirt with the drawn on whiskers

Sailor- short little skirt with a button up tied up into a bra top type thing with a cute little sailor hat and a little anchor tattoo on your hip (or if you have your belly button pierced- a cute little anchor belly button ring, etc.)

Mermaid- Bandeau type thing, pink or purple kind of top with a seashell in the middle and a blue tie skirt. Sequin fabric is always cute

Tom Cruz in "risky buisness"- White button up shirt (long of course) High socks and a cute bra with the sunglasses. Always hot

Mini Mouse- don't forget the ears ;)

Summertime Again Please

Let's make strawberry lemonade and dance in the sun all day. I miss the sunshine. I miss the days laying out by the pool and walking around in sandals and going to Circle K when we were at the beach in newport. I miss the starbucks in the morning in our pajamas and the sunburns and tans and the cut off shorts and bonfires. I miss the long nights and the sleeping during the day. Can it be summer time again?

GYMNOPHORIA

The sensation that someone is mentally undressing you.

After I walked away from the guy I was talking to, I had a mad case of gymnophoria.

I am my own drunken therapist

"I gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist."

Hahha for some reason i find this very amusing because I know girls that have actually done this. My friend over summer was texting me and kept saying, "I've always been faithful to him, i do everything for him, he has slept with other girls and i have been SUCH a good girlfriend. It's just one night. Right? He'll never find out. And (insert name here) is really cute and we've had such a good night and I have been so loyal to (insert boyfriend's name here) so i am going to do what i want. Text in the morning. "Oh my god... me and (insert name here) fucked.... (insert boyfriend's name here) is going to kill me. At least (insert name here) is hot...."

"Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick."

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

wreckedd

"its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny."

Ouch.... that sucks. I think you'd have to be pretty damn wasted to think thats anywhere close to being funny. How does puke even get on the ceiling? I mean really? Did someone puke in a bucket or something then throw it in the air? That makes no sense. That person's house must have been wrecked.

Who are we? We are a bunch of tiny ant sized dots on a giant planet in a giant universe, etc etc etc. You get the idea. So why are you standing here wasting my time about how i need to find MYSELF. Look in the mirror babe, you aren't perfect. Or even close to it. So before you tell me who i need to be, i think you should find out who YOU should be.