WORD OF THE DAY

Venustraphobia: Fear of beautiful women. 

FUN FACT OF THE DAY

Eat a lot of pineapple. according to jesus* , it makes your cum sweeter. yum. so eat up! I know you'll all be spending a hell of a lot of time in bed with your sexual partner over winter break. Its tasty and delicious and your sex buddy will love it too!!!!!

* Name changed for identity purposes

QUEEN OF THE FUCKIN WORLD

I have a weird family.

Dinner table. 

Mom:  Kaitlyn get off your phone

Me: Hold on I'm telling Colin he's a dick for bailing today but that i still love him because he is my husband (looking down at phone typing 100 words a minute)

Marissa: I like pie. Let's eat my pie now

Me: Marissa shut up and make your taco.

Dad: Get off your phone.

Me: No. I am busy. I will when we start eating

Dad: Who are you talking to? What guy is it today Kaitlyn?

Me: MY HUSBAND sheeeshh dad.

Mom: Make your tacos

Marissa sorts through the pile of tortillas. FInd the 2 lightest ones. My mom tells her to pick one. She holds them up trying to decide which one is lighter. I grab one and put it on my plate. She slams the other tortilla down on her plate and wrestles me for my plate. I finally let go. She puts the other plate in front of me. Thanks. 

Mom: How was dance?

Marissa: Well we talked about mean girls more in Chase's class today. He loves mean girls. And we stretched. A lot. I have to go stretch more later. 

Mom: How's your head?

Me: It feels like someone filled it with razor blades and then shook it. It feels wonderful.

Dad: (says nothing.. is pouting)

Mom: WHERE'S MY FORK! (searches kitchen for it)

Dad: Lisa... its right here

Mom: SHE TOOK MINE!

Me: Someone's a little bit drunk

Mom: Not at all.

Me: Whatever you say! (smiles jokingly)

Dad: See its all my fault. You are both a pain in my ass and it's all my fault right?

Me: Basically.

Marissa: (puppy dog eyes) No.... its not your fault daddy

Me: Shut up marissa. 

Marissa: I'm cutting my pie!

Mom: No.

Me: Ew. Mexican food and pie?

Mom: Not at the same time.

Marissa: (gets up and cuts pie. mom walks over)

Mom: Marissa you only cut 6 pieces

Marissa: OH NO!

Me: Cut each one in half

Marissa: Then we'd have 16 pieces!

Me: Uhmm no babe...

Mom: You'd have 12

Marissa: (starts slicing pie)

Mom: oh wait.. there was 8 pieces

Me: You would. 

Dad: Too many margaritas?

Mom: If that was all it took this would be our daily dose.

we all sit down with our pie.

Dad: Mexicans like pie too.

we all look at him and start laughing hysterically

Me: WHAT????

Dad: You said Mexican food doesn't go good with pie. Well mexicans like pie too!

Me: Oh my god..

Marissa: (CHoking on whipped cream) 

Me: Me and Loran had a conversation about asian people

Marissa: I like asians.

Me: Awesome. He talked about how they smelled bad.

Dad: What?

Me: Ya... hahah

Marissa: Asian people like pie too.

Mom: YEs. Their Moon pie!

Dad: like Mumbai "Hi I'm from Moon pie india"

Mom: Mumbai is in Africa

Dad: No. It's in india hahahha

Me: Mom its Moon CAKE not moon pie. 

Marissa: HAHHAHHHAHA IM GOING TO PEE

Dad: HAHA oh god.

Mom: DONT PEE ON THE BLANKET!!!

Me: I like that blanket..

Marissa: AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHA.... AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

Me: I am going to kill you if you pee on that. 

Marissa: Okay. I didn't pee.

Then... i left. 

THANK GOD COLIN COULDN'T COME TUTOR ME TONIGHT BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE EXPERIENCED THE MOST MESSED UP DINNER EVER. AND I LEFT SOME STUFF OUT.  i would have died.

Fuck two peas in a pod, we are two eggs in a carton ;)

Guilty Pleasures?!

1.  sweat pants- they are super comfy
2. acrylics- way to waste money
3. facebook- good way to procrastinate
4. dark chocolate and strawberries- yum.
5. cosmopolitan- so dirty. its good hahaa
6. coming home and getting in my pajamas- what i want to relax?
7. formspring- its horribly funny. I love writing responses
8. buying so many shoes- i have a problem
9. baja blast mtn. dew- what? it's refreshing?
10. staples- im weird. its a giant toy store. OH I NEED THOSE PENS TOO! THEY ARE PRETTY
11. starbucks starbucks starbucks- i am seriously addicted. is there a rehab for starbucks addicts?
12. poptarts- i am 2.
13. blackberry cabernet ice cream- sooo goooodddddd
14. lucky charms and fruit loops-i miss being a kid apparently

if you really wanted to see me. you'd make an effort to see me. but you're not. so i am going to stop wasting my time now.

NOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME

Okay so nowI can stop bitching about it still being Thanksgiving. It is officially December! Time for hot chocolate, walking around looking at christmas lights, winter break, kissing under mistletoe, new years, snow, christmas, cuddling and watching movies, decorating the christmas tree and all of that good stuff :) So looking forward to having someone to cuddle with over the holidays this year. Can't wait! I am officially stoked for the month of December <3

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER IS OVER

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER IS OVER BOYS, MEANS ITS TIME TO BREAK OUT THE RAZOR AND SHAVE OFF THOSE LOVELY BEARDS OF YOURS.

Welcome to the Jungle

The inner cave man comes to fashion! Let's dress the girls up in weird looking shoes that hurt their feet and are hard to walk in to make them look unique and do their hair weird so that it looks like they have ears and mains and make sure you do their makeup kinda crazy to go with their outfits. We're going to use leaf like material and animal prints and furs and stuff. Because we can. It's high fashion. It's runway. And we want our girls to look FIERCE

this is kinda hot.

i love google. don't you?

I'm pretty sure that this has been photoshopped. But i don't give a fuck hahaha this made me laugh. 

I miss those friday night lights

Football season just ended. And I already miss going to the games. Wearin that titan red. Freezing my ass off. Screaming at the guys on the field. Laughing at the cheerleaders because they are stupid and can't spell "TITANS" sometimes and do things wrong. Or have a cheer for a 1st down three minutes late. I miss having to stand on my tippy toes to see and the wave in the spirit section. I miss those friday night lights!

Yummm

So i am pretty sure i might have stole this off Heather M's facebook but that's okay. It is adorable. If Heather reads this and it is her cute cupcake she gets photo creds and credit for making an adorable cupcake. 

hello

If you are an asshole who talks shit for no reason (A) applies to you. If your name is Rachel Hartman, Jen Hagen, Raquel Cdebaca, Kelly Savage, Rachel Berkowitz, Jamie Belzowski, Emmalee Woodward, Oakley Strassner, Emily Salkovitz, or Sam Mark (B) applies to you. If you are Jamie Belzowski or Emmalee Woodward (C) applies to you. If you are my friend or my husband (D) applies to you... but mostly my husband <3 If you are Sam Mark, Jen Hagen, or Kelly Savage (E) applies to you. You are my lesbian lovers. if (E) applies to you then so does (F) bahhahahahhahaa

I dont give a fuck but i've got a feeling you do

WORD OF THE DAY

floccinaucinihilipilification |ˌfläksəˌnôsəˌnīˌhiləˌpiləfiˈkā sh ən|nounthe action or habit of estimating something as worthless. (The word is used chiefly as a curiosity.)ORIGIN mid 18th cent.: from Latin flocci, nauci,nihili, pili (words meaning ‘at little value’ ) + -fication . The Latin elements were listed in a well-known rule of the Latin Grammar used at Eton College, an English public school.

So many secrets hidden behind those puppy dog eyes. So many things that must be kept quiet. You are cracking- under that hard exterior of yours. No one can see that you are slowly coming undone and I am here for the show. You smile but I can't be fooled, you are a broken girl on the inside. Just keep smiling, looking at me with those mysterious eyes because I know that you are falling apart on the inside. Not so perfect after all, are you?

creeepin!

Okay so I love it when you are talking about someone and you want to know more about them so you like go on your facebook and you stock their page. In PE today we were talking about this girl. Who happens to be psycho. So i decided to go on her page and show my friend her psycho statuses. The girl is nuts so its kinda scary/funny because well... i dont know. And then this guy cheated on this other girl sitting with us so we decided to look at the other girl's page. Honestly, you should lock all of your pictures because people go through them and make comments like "Oh, you are way prettier than her, she is fucking beat." Facebook= good opportunity for people to creep and find shit out about you... or make fun of you. I think it would be kinda horrible if they showed who looked at all your stuff. Then you would know who is creeping. Hmmm....... this was random but whatever

I love you too.

No book yet....

So i always say i am going to write my book. I haven't yet. I started to. But you were like a leech. You sucked it all away. I have nothing to write about any more. I have no muse. Wow. Didn't know it was that bad. This is good. The one thing that brings me relief and now I am stuck. FUCK YOU, I HATE WRITERS BLOCK.

Now you never have to wonder again.

I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. HOW MANY WAYS CAN YOU PISS ME OFF IN AN HOUR. I CAN THINK OF MORE THAN A FEW. AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. AND YOU WONDER WHY I GET SO ANNOYED???? WELL NOW YOU NEVER HAVE TO WONDER AGAIN. 

1) Every day when i walk into class, you are sitting on my desk. GET THE FUCK OFF OF IT! I sleep on my desk during class i don't want your ass on it. Your butt is supposed to go in the chair.Take my test from me. Before 

2) Take my test from me before I even get to look at it. I know I failed so don't harass me and make faces after you take it because I will beat your ass. I am not kidding. And don't tell me i did bad. No shit, 68% is not good. Mind your own fucking business!!!!

3) Hit my desk and say "ooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!!" when i am texting in class. If you don't notice. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Let me do what I want if I want to sleep I am going to sleep. If I want to text than I am going to text so don't be a tattle tail. You aren't 6.. wait... maybe you are.

4) Don't make weird faces and giggle at me. 

5) When you know you are pissing me off and I am not talking to don't try talking to me. It makes me want to hit you. I mean really. I'm not talking to you for a reason.

6) Don't tell me to be nicer to you. If you didn't piss me off so much I wouldn't have a problem with you. But you do. A LOT. And you make so many little side comments. I don't care if you hate me. Don't talk to me. 

7) Don't give me advice. I didn't ask for it. 

8) STOP EAVESDROPPING! it makes me so mad. If I wanted to tell you then I would have included you in the conversation.

9) Put all your shit in the walk way. Everyone trips over it. I want to be able to walk to my desk and my back without having to worry about falling on my face.

10) Stop being so immature. This is high school babe not elementary school. 

I like starting random stories WEEeeeeOOoooo

I stare at your feet because I can't look in your eyes. Does that make me pathetic? Or does that make me a normal, nervous girl. Too afraid to stare back into your eyes because you give me butterflies and take away the words I wanted to say. I'm not so witty around you. Am I? Just weird I guess... But you always say you like weird. But maybe you are just saying that... You have big feet.  You are always wearing vans. I look up. You smile and lean against the wall and keep talking. I give you a half smile back and try and listen and ignore my ever increasing heart rate. All i want to do is kiss you. Tell you I like you. But i can't. Can I?

Let's have a costume party ;)

Nothing to wear....

I love when you are looking in your closet to go somewhere and you feel like you have nothing to wear!

"Hurry up!!"
        
         "Mom! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR!"

"That isn't true at all."
    
         " Uhmmm yes it is!"

She walks upstairs.  "Kaitlyn you have $2000 worth of shoes here. You have a dresser full of clothes, shit all over your floor and you have a full rack. Don't tell me you have nothing to wear"

         " BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE WEARING ANY OF THIS. I need a new jacket... and boots. Oh! I saw     some really cute ones the other day at the spectrum."

"You have enough stuff."

         "No I don't!"

She walks out of the room. Wow I love these conversations.

Why is it so cold?

I don't know why. But every year it keeps getting colder and colder and i'm not really diggin it. We live in Southern California. I mean really, isn't it supposed to be sunny and warm year round? I AM FREEZING! I was outside for this neighborhood thing tonight and I could not feel my fingers. My teeth were chattering. That is not acceptable.  I want to run around in shorts and tank tops! It feels like it is going to snow. Which is all good. When I am prepared for it. Wow I'm pathetic. I have my comforter 2 fuzzy blankets and a quilt on my bed and i am wearing my victoria's secret pajama pants, pink fuzzy socks, a long sleeve shirt, and my NYU sweatshirt and i am still cold. This is a little ridiculous don't you think?!

STUPID MINI VAN!!!

So i am driving from newport because i had to drop rachel off at home. And there is this car in front of me that is driving like 20 MPH or something. You know, it's always the mom in the mini van or the old person in a beat up sudan or a gardening truck that you feel like is going to fall apart in the middle of the freeway or something or the asian person that everyone is afraid to drive next to.  Just saying. Not trying to be racist. There are some good asian drivers I'm sure. The majority of them scare me. Same with moms and grandmas. I am a girl and it scares the shit out of me when women drive. So in this case- it's the mini van. Probably the soccer mom. Dealing with screaming kids and stuff in the back seat yelling, "MOMMMY! I WANT TO WATCH MONSTERS INC.!!!" or something. You know exactly who i am talking about. So I am driving, driving, driving. Then this woman in a mini van cuts me off! And starts driving SLOW and I am sitting there saying 'Oh my god. I was driving 85 and now i'm driving 55. DO YOU SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS YOU STUPID WOMAN!!!' and i can't get around her now because there is traffic on both sides of me and I am sitting there saying I am going to hurt this woman and getting all mad and wanting to kill myself and my dad is just sitting there. I have road rage. Can you tell?

this made me laugh. 

The good stuff

So as you all know, I have an obsession with the doors. I have been listening them for the past hour- well blasting it anyways. It's so much better loud ;) Jim Morrison is kinda my idol. SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL- it's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. He was a true rockstar. And i am obsessed with the  rawness of their music. I like how uncensored it is and that it is so unprocessed. It is so much better than all the stuff we have today. I mean if you are talking about real music anyways. All the stuff we have now is just a machine singing not a person. Just look at how many people can sing live. Very, very few. So in conclusion. The doors. Are the best.