I'M TO BLAME

I AM THE REASON FOR ALL OF THE PROBLEMS HERE... IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. SORRY, I AM TO BLAME. I BROKE YOUR HEART, I KNOW. I MADE YOU CRY, I SAID ALL THOSE THINGS TO YOU WHILE YOU WERE SO BROKEN AND SO HURT. HOW STUPID AM I?? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW STUPID I AM?? I NEED TO HEAR IT. YELL IT. HELL. SCREAM IT. I KNOW THAT I MESSED UP. OH MYY... I AM CRAZY YOU KNOW. I CAN'T THINK. I DON'T THINK. IS IT BAD THAT I DON'T THINK? ALL I DO IS HURT YOU. I WAS SO GOOD AND THEN I HURT YOU.  BABY I KNOW I'M WRONG. I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL THAT I HAVE SAID TO YOU. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME BABY.. NOW I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO YOU AND HOW I WOULD FEEL IF WE WERE SEPARATED FROM EACH OTHER. THE DAY THAT HAPPENS I AM GOING TO DIE. BECAUSE THAT MEANS EITHER YOU LEFT ME... OR I LEFT YOU. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I DIDN'T SEE I MEANT SO MUCH, THAT I WAS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU AND TO SEE YOU REACT LIKE THAT. I REALLY CAN'T TAKE IT. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WOULD CRY LIKE THAT. FROM NOW ON PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T LEAVE WHATEVER HAPPENS TO US. PROMISE ME. SWEAR TO GOD. THAT YOU WON'T LEAVE MY SIDE OR LET GO OF MY HAND. AND IF YOU LEAVE I WILL RUN INTO YOU ON MY OWN AGAIN. SO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO LEAVE ME. BESIDES THE FACT THAT I AM STUPID. I'M SORRY I'M SO SO SORRY YOU CAN BLAME ME ALL YOU WANT.

Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.

obsession for the past 2 days

derek garcia sent me this song. and i fell in love.

annoying. guys don't do this.

it is so annoying when you change your facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single" how many guys text you. i mean seriously. it is ridiculous. just because something on facebook says "single" it doesn't mean that i want to do anything with you or that i want to date you. come on. give me some grieving time alone. i don't want you to be my shoulder to cry on while you are trying to get with me. its obnoxious.

word of the day

onychophagy

habit of biting one's nails.

"when people walk away from you, let them go. your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your history is over"

Beauty.

beautiful: it shouldn't have a definition. because everyone is beautiful in their own way. some might be beautiful on the outside and heartless on the inside and others may be plain on the outside but have so much beauty inside their soul. just a thought. you should all think about it.

take a picture of that smile because you won't be seeing it for a while.

wanna know a secret?

let me tell you a secret... i am just like every other girl. i buy shoes and love makeup and getting dressed up i want a guy to hold my hand and call me baby i cry sometimes but i don't like to (and i don't do it in front of people) i am not confident sometimes and i get hurt over silly things. but i have a heart. and i care. and i'm not a heartless bitch. i like to have fun and sometimes i do stupid things but at least i take responsibility for that and own up to it. i have feelings. like everyone else. did you know that???? 

say what you want to say

say what you want to say. i won't let your words hurt me. because i am stronger than that. you don't know anything. you only gossip and spread lies and rumors and it is pathetic. 

I'm So Sorry Baby

on my knees

i never meant what i said

oh baby please

come home my world is falling into pieces

and i can't go to sleep cause memories 

just hold my dreams

and i try to move on

but i keep hearing our song

i don't know if i could keep living without you

and i'm sorry for pushing you away

yes i'm sorry for breaking your heart

i'm sorry for turning my back when you needed me

i'm so sorry baby

i'm alone, so alone

and time just keep passing me by oh baby when you're gone, yes

i'm always passing by your house just to see if your lights are on

oh baby please come back into my life i need you now yeah

and i'm sorry for pushing you away

yes i'm sorry for breaking your heart

i'm sorry for turning my back when you needed me

i'm so sorry baby

oh baby please

look i've been crying every single night

and i don't see the sun i don't see the stars

oh sorry won't you please come back into my life

oh just forgive me

look i know i hurt real real bad

but if you give me one more chance baby

one more chance

i promise imma do you right this time

oh give me one more chance

imma do you right this time

oh give me one more chance

imma do you right this time

and i'm sorry for pushing you away

yes i'm sorry for breaking your heart 

i'm sorry for turning my back when you needed me

i'm so sorry baby

i cant sleep because you're not here any more. there's nothing left to dream. only nightmares.

i love you

hold me in your arms and don't let go. kiss me long and slow. pick me up into your arms and spin in circles. dance with me under the stars. make me laugh. i like to see you smiling back at me. whisper in my ear. tell me that you love me. tell me that you need me. tell me that you never want me to go. be my lover. be my best friend. lets walk away into the sunset holding hands. you are my everything you are the light that brightens the dark. and i never want to lose you.

people are strange

people are strange when you're a stranger

faces look ugly when you're alone

women seem wicked when you're unwanted

streets are uneven when you're down

when you're strange

faces come out of the rain

when you're strange

no one remembers your name

when you're strange 

when you're strange

when you're strange

people are strange when you're a stranger

faces look ugly when you're alone

women seem wicked when you're unwanted

streets are uneven when you're down

when you're strange

faces come out of the rain

when you're strange

no one remembers your name

when you're strange 

when you're strange

when you're strange

when you're strange

faces come out of the rain

when you're strange

no one remembers your name

when you're strange 

when you're strange

when you're strange

word of the day

basorexia

an overwhelming desire to kiss or neck

let the world know you as you are, as you think you should be. because sooner or later if you are posing you will forget the pose and then where are you??

think about what you really want. not what people want for you.

i dont wanna get up at 5:30 to go to school tomorrow. that is a fricken joke. and what teacher assigns homework over break anyways??? 

someone bring me chinese food!

chinese food sounds soooo good right now like you have no idea. i am craving it. that and salsa. i want that right now. but i cant have it. blahh someone bring me chinese food! doesn't that sound so yummy? sitting at a tepan grill watching them cook fried rice and hearing the sizzling of the meat cooking on the grill. the soy sauce and dumplings. can you tell that i really want chinese? 

i'll say what i wanna say

i enjoy having the power to do what i want. it sets me free. i'm so tired of following what "society" wants me to do. something isn't "appropriate" or it shocks people. maybe those people need to be shocked a little bit more. i like being able to say what i want to say and i don't think i'm going to give that up any time soon. i'm sorry if that hurts your feelings- but it's just my opinion... no one else's. the might share it with me. but i'm just speaking my mind.

awwwww

this kid is adorable. don't you agree? i mean seriously. i am so against dressing kids up in little outfits but in this case, i'm okay with it. because he is ADORABLE ahhhhhhh so cute

breakfast

i really want raspberries and warm orange cinnamon rolls right now

miss being a kid

sometimes i wanna be a little girl again. i miss it you know? everything was so much easier to deal with when i was little. i felt free. you had short days at school. you got to color. you had recess you got to play dress up and wear moms heels and pretend to be a princess.you could play barbies and have fun with a cardboard box. we made forts. we played tag. we ate goldfish on the black top and thoughts gushers were the best. i have been alive for 15 years. and instead of getting older i want to be 5 again.

and for just a moment.. i felt like i was on top of the world

i was just thinking

so i was just thinking that me and you were good together. and maybe we should give it a chance. let fate run its course? you know? lets have a little fun lets see the world lets dream and run until our luck runs out and then i guess it will be the end. but maybe there won't be an end. maybe we will run away into the never setting sun. but i was just thinking.. thinking of impossibilities.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part.

all you do is judge me. you take and take and take. but what do you give back? absolutely nothing. why am i wasting my time with you people? what are you giving back to me? because i am starting to question where i am and where i've been and what is real and what is fake. you tell lies through your teeth with that plastic smile on your face. i gave you everything but you never gave anything back. so i am done wasting my time. say what you want about me. but you are all wrong and i am going to be laughing when i prove you all wrong.

Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

good example

cinderella stayed up till midnight at parties. sleeping beauty got to sleep forever. aladdin was a thief. snow white lived with seven men. and goldilocks broke into a house and ate the bears food. and our parents wondered how we "turned bad"

can it be summer now??

what i am thankful for in 2010

i had a friend ask me to make a list of the top 50 things i was thankful for in 2010. so here it goes!!!

1)my family. i take advantage of you guys i do things that i shouldn't do. say things i shouldn't say. but you guys are always by my side no matter what.

2) "slow dancing in a burning room" by john mayer. somehow this song got me through 2010. 

3) OCHSA. the school is crazy. no... it is insane. and i love it to death and miss it dearly. everyone there taught me so much. I learned a lot about myself, i learned about the way people work, that it is okay to be different, that you don't have to fit a stereo type, not to stereotype- so what if someone is gay or they like to dress up and change their names so they are the same as movie characters so what if a guy wants to be a fashion designer or do ballet. it is okay. it is okay to be who you truly want to be and not hide behind a mask. thats what OCHSA taught me. i have amazing friends there and i didnt really give it a chance at first but i regret that.

4) my notebook. it taught me how i think and gave me a numb feeling nothing else could give me. 

5)starbucks. i would have died. thank you for the caffeine at 6 AM.

6)my camera. i love being able to capture a moment in time in a photograph. 

7) chocolate covered strawberries. so yummy

8)the bus rides to OCHSA every morning and coming home from school. good writing material

9) my babiessss at Shea i don't get to see Jaidyn and Lauren any more because i'm not working there but those two little girls changed my life. not even joking. just seeing them smile made me appreciate so much.

10) mojo. i love my pupppyy he gets me through everything. i feel like i neglect him. and i kinda do. but he is my baby and i love him

11) my scrapbook- it reminds me of where i've been

12) jacuzzi nights with my girls. i miss them so much and i don't get to see them very often any more but they are my sisters and they always will be

13) USC. for sort of motivating me to study

14) rachel. for being my best friend. you are my rock.

15) breaks. i would die without weekend and breaks like summer and thanksgiving break. i'm not joking.

16) all the stupid people who constantly entertain me.

17) google. for making it so easy for me to find everything i need to find

18)Jen. for making me cakes and hugging me when i want to cry. i love you bitchhh you are amazing and you have such a good heart. i'm lucky i met you this year

19) sticky notes. i would forget everything without them

20)my fuzzy leopard slippers that i wear constantly now. i am in love with them

21) this blog. i can waste so much time on this thing which is not good but i love having the freedom to say what i want to say

22) emily s. for participating in fat tuesdays with me and jen and for all the talks we have. (by the way you and chase are adorable)

23)my ugg boots. that i wear every single day.

24) TAO. it is amazing. restaurant/ bar / club in vegas if you haven't been. go. now

25)the nights were you drive around blasting loud music and singing and dancing in the car. they are priceless 

26) victorias secret. i love that place. it is so fun hahaha

27) boys boys boys. you drive me crazy but you constantly entertain. thank you for thinking of every stupid thing to possibly do.

28)the park. it lets me get away for about an hour and relax and write and get my thoughts together.

29) fat tuesdays. one day a week where i don't feel bad eating 5,000 calories

30) fruit snacks. they are yummy enough said.

31) raquel. for being my other half.

32) the stars. i love them

33) national parks. i love being in the middle of nowhere.

34)you. for reading this and caring what i have to say.

35)loud music. i love a beat

36) guys sweatshirts. i am obsessed. they are 1000x better than girls sweatshirts. just saying. they are just better

37) rainy days. it gives me an excuse to lay in bed and cuddle all day

38) the chiropractor. for making it so i can walk without being in pain.

39) my boyssss for always having my back and for watching out for me. i love you guys

40)baseball games. i love them i grew up with them i miss them

41)ANGL for constantly supplying me with cute dresses

42)acrylics and red and black nail polish. you make my nails look pretty and that makes me happy

43) cookies. they are fun to make and it relaxes me to make them. idk why but they relieve stress.

44) baths. thank you for making me calm the f*@$ down.

45) books. you inspire me to write

46) holding my hand- i missed that a lot.

47) giving me nights that i will never forget. i couldn't if i tried.

48) spontaneous moments where we burst into song. it makes me smile

49) competition. it keeps things interesting.

50) life. for moving on.

thank you for being my new years kiss

from a while ago

i was going through old pictures and i found this little photo shoot i did at the park with sammi. it was a lot of fun. i love it down there (where we were taking pictures) it was fun. this was one of my favorites. just thought i would share

the famous- miami ink

shoes shoes shoes

i have a problem. i am a compulsive shopper. and i have a shoe collection started. these are a few of the pairs i have. then a whole column thing on the side and the inside corner of my closet. i just love shoes!!! SUE ME

i wish there was an undo button that you could click every time you made a mistake. wouldn't it make life so much easier?? you wouldn't have to deal with as many fights. as much drama. tears. betrayal. accidents. how many times have you said, "it was a mistake" or "i didn't mean to" i bet more than a few times. but then again you learn from your mistakes and they help you remember what to do and what do do. 

HAPPY FREAKIN NEW YEAR!!!!

woooohooooo is the end of the decade!!! happy 2011 everyone hope you all had a good night last night and were safe. no drinking and driving i hope. hope you still have confetti in your hair and that you had a wonderful night. good way to kick off 2011 <3

this year i decided that my new years resolution is to not make a new years resolution. because it always gets broken in the first 2 days. i mean really. things like: i am going to stay out of trouble i am going to go to the gym i am going to get straight A's i am going to be nicer i am not going to do this i am not going to do that i am going to lose 25 pounds and be a size 2 again blah blah blah blah blahhhh. who ever really accomplishes it?? i mean seriously. it just disappoints people really. so my new years resolution is to not make any more new years resolutions :)

I never gave you a reason to hate me.

You’re just creating your own little drama of pure insecurity

i wonder how many people wake up tomorrow looking like shit wondering where they are. i'm positive that i am not going to be one of them. have a safe night people!! no drinking and driving <3

for a guy you really are a little  bitch. i mean seriously. you whine about being cold and how hungry you are and that your jeans don't fit right. you whine about how long it takes to go places and ask 1000 times why we're doing something. seriously! STOP! it is so annoying- you are a girl.

and some castles made out of sand will melt into the sea eventually

California: According to Urban Dictionary

California:

1. state that produces more good than anywhere else, has crazy night life, large school, hot women, a load of stuff to do, and the longest beach anyone has ever seen

2. extremely diverse

3. much more entertaining than texas

949:

the area code for south orange county, one of the richest places in the country. also, its a huge bubble and life outside it is "gay" (btw i love here so i have the right to make fun of it)

i live in the 949 and i love listening to music about pain such as my chemical romance and watching shows for 12 year old girls such as the OC.

United States:

If you don't like it, go live in Canada mother fuckers.

Cali:

the name that non-native californian's use when referring to California and trying to seem like a real Californian.

Typical of an East Coaster

Hey, duuuudddess let's go to the shore in Cali, and thrash some waves.