the moment when you realize how good things are and how happy you truly feel, that's when you realize that you are the luckiest girl in the world. when you laugh all day long and don't think about hurt and don't hold on to the insecurities that try and hold you back, you've got something good going.

i know that you are mad. i know that i say all the wrong things at all the wrong times. i know that i messed up, but please, just shut up and kiss me.

i think it's hilarious when your friends try and set you up with people. you're sitting there and they awkwardly make you stand up and drag you over to some guy, say " _________, this is so and so" and then they wink or smile and they walk away and leave you with some random guy. now, that is okay if the guy is cute but what if he's not. then that is just so horribly awkward and you have to walk away and yell at your friend for having bad taste in men.

i really wish i lived in the 60's or something. i think the whole hippie era seemed like such a fun time. Amazing music, the definition of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, free love, running around with flowers in your hair. i think that if i had to pick a time to live in, i would pick the 60's. then maybe i could marry jim morrison and live happily ever after or some shit.

i think her confidence is sexy. seriously, like i love the fact that she doesn't care about what people think. she knows that she is sexy. she knows that she gets attention. she knows that people love her and that people hate her. she has her opinions. she's blunt. and i love it. it is refreshing. She definitely doesn't always sound sexy when her talks. but i honestly love the fact that she does not care what people think at all. 

You asked so here it goes!

THINGS THAT SUCK: 

waking up early

getting your heart broken

traffic

when you run out of/lose your chapstick

when people don't pay you back

when your feet hurt

blisters

guys who cheat

when you and someone you were so close with act like you don't know each other when you were close for so long

bad drivers

waking up early

waiting for someone to text you back but they never do

when you get locked out of your house

when your ride leaves without telling you

when you miss your favorite song on the radio

when you are so frustrated you cry

sluts

bottom lockers

seeing someone you care about hurt

reputations

cold coffee

fighting with your friends

getting hot and cold when you are laying in bed

when starbucks is closed

when you see a spider and no one is there to kill it

tummy aches

getting stuck watching a scary movie alone

when you can't sleep

when you really wanna care about someone but you don't

when you are the other girl and you don't know

when people bail

seeing someone so happy when you are miserable

getting in trouble at school

french teachers

when you break a nail

when the coffee runs out

goodbyes.

you really want something but you don't have enough money

when you need to get out but you're stuck inside

movies with sad endings

tickets

being cold and not having a jacket

fake girls

shrinking your clothes in the wash

stubbed toes and burned feet

paper cuts

rumors

homework that has no meaning

fighting with someone you love

when you care about someone more than they care about you

loud noises when you have a headache

when a song you like ends

is this good enough for now?? it can go on for days

women play hard to get because men are hard to keep.

what music do i like? i love songs that explain how you feel, that make you feel numb when you are upset, that make you laugh because they are so funny and bring back so many old memories. I love the doors. I love led zeppelin. i love simon and garfunkel. i love jimmy hendrix. all that kinda stuff. i love regae, bob marley is always the best. i like rap and pop but that is just good for the days when you wanna have fun. John Mayer is my good slow music and i love stuff like adele when i need to relax and calm down and just think. i guess i like a little of everything, something different for every mood

I want: I wish: I love: I miss: I fear: I hear: I smell: I wonder:

i want to smile. i want to be happy. i want to laugh until my stomach hurts. i want to apologize to the people that i've hurt. i want to go for a run. i want to be tan. i want to have my leopard booties. i want to go to greece. i want to drive somewhere, anywhere. i want to help as many people as i can help. i want to have a boyfriend (finally). i want to have someone stick in my life instead of going through different guys. i want to do what's good for me. i want starbucks. i want Jennnifferrr to get here so we can get our nails done. i want to learn how to surf. i want to have a remote with a pause, stop, fast forward, rewind, and play button.

i wish that i hadn't given up on some of the people i gave up on. i wish that i could get to see my baby girls Jaidyn and Lauren one more time. i wish that i passed chemistry so i wouldn't have to retake it. i wish that someone saw potential in me. i wish that i had all the shoes in the whole wide world. i wish i could go back and change some of the things that have happened. i wish that he would answer his phone. i wish that people wouldn't be so horrible to each other. i wish that guys wouldn't cheat and girls wouldn't go back to them. i wish i had my own dream house (it would be fun hehe. i wish i could be a better person. i wish that i wouldn't get sad sometimes. i wish spiders didn't exist. i wish that you'd never have to say goodbyes. i wish i could be a kid again sometimes

i love my family. i love my best friends. i love writing. i love blasting music with the windows down. i love sunglasses. i love coffee. i love nail polish. i love good dreams. i love putting songs on repeat. i love shoes. i love sleeping in late. i love cuddling. i love mojo my doggie. i love writing what i want when i want. i love summer time. i love finding beauty in something no one would ever see beauty in. i love ice cream. i love baseball games. i love classic movies. i love the doors. i love good music. i love being with someone who makes you feel special. i love fireworks on the 4th of july. i love deep breaths. i love chiropractors.

i miss being little. i miss morning cartoons. i miss his smile. i miss when things were less complicated. i miss the people i know i will never see again. i miss the days when girls could play football too. i miss fingerpaints. i miss hawaii. i miss my best friend. i miss the sound of his laugh. i miss the butterflies in the pit of my stomach. i miss days when i wore my hair in pony tails. i miss the days when boys never broke your heart. i miss genuinely smiling. i miss the days when you could eat whatever you wanted.

i fear spiders. i fear being left. i fear being hurt. i fear looking stupid. i fear having my house broken into. i fear bad dreams. i fear going crazy. i fear doing something dumb to lose someone i love forever. i fear waking up and having everything be different. i fear driving tests. i fear saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. i fear regret.

i hear broken bells by october. i hear my mom laughing down stairs. i hear my dog sleeping on the floor. i hear the sound of my fingers on the keys of my computer. i hear the bass of the song. i hear my fan. i hear my dad on the phone. (not a very exciting one).

i smell summertime. i smell lucky charms. i smell miss dior cherie. i smell wet nail polish. i smell strawberries.

i wonder where this is ever going to go. i wonder why the hell jen is still not here. i wonder if he's going to hurt me. i wonder who is going to walk away. i wonder how its going to feel when so many people i love leave. i wonder if i will ever settle down. i wonder how old i'm going to be when i have kids. i wonder why bad things happen. i wonder if karma is real. i wonder if i will ever forget the past. i wonder if i will ever get over him. i wonder where i am going to end up going to school. i wonder if i will stay in touch with any of my old friends. i wonder how some people can always be happy. 

i want my superman to come sweep me off my feet and fly away with me into the setting sun. i want my happily ever after.

2011 is half way over. i said things would be different this year, like i always say. but things really have been different. i have gotten so much older, so much more mature since the beginning of this school year and my skin gets thicker and thicker every day. i don't know if that's a good thing, but i realized that people's  bullshit really shouldn't matter to me. just trying to do what is good for me.

i love using big words to sound smart. i mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

i am always in search of something new and unique. i think i use my nails as a way to say what mood i am in. if i am in a "oh my god i am so happy" mood. some form of pink. if i am in the mood to be sophisticated, a red wine color. if i feel fresh and cool and relaxed, blue. when i feel like being a little bit pretty but still relaxed i put sparkles over the blue. when i feel sexy, red. when i am in a party mood, hot pink. when i have to be a little lady, light purple. when i am in a "bitch get out of my way" mood, it's black all the way. when i want to be creative and fun i pick some crazy design that no one has ever seen. it works well. i think i've figured out a system.

there gets to be a point where you have to think about who is here for me. you realize what people lied to you.. you realize what people bailed.. you realized who made you upset, who brought you down, who made you hurt.. you realize who you fought with and who made you feel like shit.. you realize who you never really knew.. but you also realize the people that stuck by your side no matter how angry, sad, happy, frustrated, loud, or quiet you were. they were the ones that held your hand and told you not to run away when you wanted to leave so desperately, that laughed with you all day long, that told you to walk away when that guy you hated so much started to fight with you. they helped you do your hair and smiled when you were handed a good opportunity instead of taking it jealously. they were genuine. they kept your secrets. yes, you may have argued with them, but they always apologized. and sometimes you admitted you were wrong because you love them and you hurt them. they brought you coffee in the morning and wished you luck and you borrowed each other's clothes before that big party. they told you that you looked stunning at prom and you laughed over inside jokes every second of the day. 3 days felt like 3 years when you were apart and time seemed to fly when you were together. and you never really realized how lucky you were to have them in every step of your life. once you realize that, it doesn't matter how many friends you have, it just mattered who is really your friend. and you feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

letting go isn't about giving up. it's about accepting the fact that there are things in life that just can't be.

you need date ideas... i don't know how creative you want but here are a few off the top of my head

go to a baseball game- cotton candy and cheering for a team is always a good thing!

go to a national park and spend the day hiking around just the two of you.. its secluded but there are still people. you can get away for a day

go to color me mine and paint something together, you will always have it to remember your date. maybe you can even paint something for each other

go walk around at the beach and go to the pier and get food or something, walk around and spend some time seeing what there is to see. you can bring blankets and sit on the beach if you want too when it gets dark. **bring a jacket or you will probably die

go to the faire and play games and eat bad for you food and go on the ferris wheel. go see a concert there too if you want. its cute and you can cheer for each other while you play games and you might even get to take home a big stuffed elephant.

go to k-1 or something and go cart race. nothing better than a little friendly competition.

stay in for the day. have a movie marathon, switching off who chooses the movie, or pick a completely random one. get snacks and make popcorn and everything. it will be a perfect day in and a good excuse to cuddle

perfect things aren't rushed, they just fall together

stop leading me on for a while, then pushing me away. what i hate is there's no way for me to find where i'm truly standing in your heart.

i wish that you would start seeing that you are fucking beautiful. for some reason you can't see it, but there is something about you that is beyond pefect