I'm sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you or anything baby. You didn't do anything wrong. I just don't feel like talking to anyone included you. Maybe i just need some time to get myself back- to live- so i can breathe again because i miss having the feeling that i'm free. So please, i'm begging you. Just leave me alone. I still love you.. i always will. It is impossible for me to fall out of love with you. I can see us growing old together in this house with these kids always looking down at that ring on my finger, smiling because i belong to you. I've always belonged to you. obviously you're sad now, i'm treating you so cold. I don't know why, sometimes i just wanna be alone and wet my eyes, let everything run out from my eyes and hope the next day i will be waking up and see how beautiful life is. And you mean the world to me, but i need some time to be myself and think. I love you with all my heart.

WORD OF THE DAY

cachinnation

loud, hysterical laughter

i wear makeup, so i'm plastic? I speak my mind, so i'm a bitch? I cry, so i'm an attention seeker? I speak to boys, so i'm a slut? I like getting my picture taken, so i love myself? Go on, throw me a label, you'll do it anyway. I don't ignore you, i just don't care for you. I'm not stuck up, i just don't give a fuck. I'm not insecure, I just don't trust any one like you. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be.

Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

lets laugh a little bit louder- kiss a little bit longer- smile a little bit bigger- hug a little bit tighter- run a little bit faster- live a little bit longer

Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it - come on up. 

COOOOOOKKKIEEEESSSSSSS

Dear heart,

can you please start communicating better with my head? because i am a little dazed and confused and i keep wondering what do do. and i can't help but slip up. you need to help me with my decision making. but not take over it. i need to think a little bit. it's not ALL about passion and love and emotion and romance... as much as you want to think it is. the truth of the matter is that you cloud my judgement and make me only see my lust my desire my love my hate but don't force me to think about my actions before hand. so can you please speak to my head? every once and a while? it would make this relationship run a lot more smoothly. Thank you.


Sincerely,


Kaitlyn.

“ I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems, or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you; so intimate, that your hand upon my chest is my hand; so intimate that when I fall asleep, your eyes close. ”

~ Gabriel García Márquez, “One Hundred Years of Solitude”

In your eyes

Love

I get so lost, sometimes

Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart

When I want to run away I drive off in my car

But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

But, all my instincts - they return

The grand facade so soon will burn

Without a noise - without my pride

I reach out from the inside

Love love love love love

I get so lost, sometimes

Days pass they pass and this emptiness fills my heart

When I want to run away I drive off in my car

But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

But, all my instincts - they return

The grand facade so soon will burn

Without a noise - without my pride

I reach out from the inside

In your eyes - the light, the heat

I am complete in your eyes

See the doorways of a thousand churches in your eyes

The resolution of all the fruitless searching

In Your Eyes

Love love love love love

I don't like to see so much pain

So much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away

I get so tired working so hard for our survival

I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

But, all my instincts - they return

The grand facade so soon will burn

Without a noise - without my pride

I reach out from the inside

In your eyes - the light, the heat

I am complete in your eyes

See the doorways of a thousand churches

I will not be that complete

In your eyes

In your eyes

In your eyes

In your eyes

Love

I get so lost, sometimes

sex sells. enough said.

Machine Machine Machine

i find the most random things but i love it :)

Overthinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, turns things around, makes you worry, and just makes things worse than they actually are.

scary. but funny. but really really sad

OCEANS AWAY

Figure since I'm so far gone, oceans away
I can lay my saber down today
I miss the words, I love the words you did not say
I miss the kiss you never, never gave away

There goes the sun, oceans away
And days die young when you're gone and you're gone
There goes the sun, oceans away
And leaves the day for someone else

Honestly, I thought that we could make it all the way
Barefoot on beaches, dancing against the gray
But stone by stone, the castle crumbled to the ground
I stood and stared as you started to fall into the waves

There goes the sun, oceans away
And days die young when you're gone and you're gone
There goes the sun, oceans away
And leaves the day for someone else

Here's to the man of your dreams

Take it all in a box
And make my way down to the shore
Throw it in and begin to leave it to the waves

Leave it to the waves
Leave it to the
And leave it to the
And leave it to the waves

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

do not kiss in hallways. people will whisper and giggle and look at you when you walk by. do not kiss in a movie. old people might look at you like you are doing something wrong- even though they were doing the exact same thing 20 years back. do not kiss at home. mommy and daddy might see. don't kiss at a party. someone might call you a slut. don't kiss ever. kissing is for whores. haha just kidding. who gives a fuck what people think.

word of the dayyy

strikehedonia

the pleasure of being able to say to hell with it

teenage romance.

since probably pre school you have liked people. or at least secretly liked people. i know i did. i had boys in my pre school and kindergarten classes that i had crushes on. i'd share my crayons with them and play tag and hold hands with them. boys never had cooties. the worst thing was maybe the boy thought girls had cooties and he'd run away from you. elementary school everyone has that little crush that forms and that never really goes away. but no one goes home crying over a broken heart, maybe only over scraped up knees. middle school rolls around and thats when you really start liking people or getting involved with other people. some hearts get broken some feelings get hurt, but you're young. it's stupid. usually middle school relationships (NORMAL middle school relationships) consist of two people liking each other. the boy asks the girl out. sometimes they are shy and never even talk and end up breaking up and they are sad for a day or they hold hands and say i like you and maybe think a kiss is a quick peck- but are too embarrassed to do it in front of people. why does all hell break lose in high school!?!?! a girl likes a boy but he likes someone else. someone gets cheated on. you date for a year and then its just over and you're left with an empty, broken heart and no friends left because you spent so much time with your "boyfriend" kissing is cool, sex is in. but only sluts have sex, huh? guys pressure you into things and the girls follow willingly sometimes trying to look cool, trying to fit in. pregnancy scares, baby mamas, abortions, fighting, drinking, smoking, heartbreak, tears, making up, breaking up, holding hands, saying i love you, making them your everything. NOW WOULDN'T YOU HAVE A LOT LESS HEARTBREAK IF YOU JUST WAITED UNTIL YOU WEREN'T A HORMONE FILLED TEENAGER!!?!?! MY GOD. stop getting your heart broken. stop falling in love. because it usually wont last. there's maybe a 1% chance it might. so just have fun and save that for later

FACT OF THE DAY: Most of the laugh tracks you hear on television were recorded in the 1950s, which means a lot of the people you hear laughing are dead.

working on some writing

so i found this redoubled sonnet i had for my poetry class at OCHSA that i never edited and stuff and i was working on it the other day. don't ask what a redoubled sonnet is it would take an hour to explain but i was writing about this guy and addiction and it was basically the story of his addiction and stuff but i figured i'd give you guys the first sonnet in the set of 15. no i am not a drug addict. no i am not emo. no i do not cut myself. no this is not about me. it is just a sonnet. hahaha :)the set is called disappointment. maybe when i'm through with the whole thing i'll post it.

Sonnet #1

cigarette smoke floating in the cool night air,

i'm consumed by this addiction that haunts me.

all senses are dulled, foresight is impaired

people don't see everything i could be.

i've got no where to go, nothing to live for.

i'm lost in this wasteland, trapped behind fences,

like being in a room that has no door,

the whispers continue, my body tenses.

my head keeps on aching, two worlds collide.

voices in my head turn back the pages.

i've got no where to go, nowhere to hide,

i just keep living my life in stages. 

but i don't want to see the scars on my wrists,

i go on pretending they don't exist.

He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

haha this made me laugh. i just had to share. if any guy said ride me Pocahontas while we were having sex he would either have to be A) really really really drunk B) we would have to be dressed up like indians or something roleplaying or some shit c) i could have to be wearing a feather head dress d) or he must just be really really freakin weird.

yayyy the hot water is back

so i got my new water heater today!!! FINALLY! i am so excited you have no idea. having no hot water for a week is living hell. like no joke. no hot showers. no washing the dishes. no washing your hands in non freezing water. etc etc etc. you get the idea. you don't realize how much you take advantage of that on a daily basis but i am so happy to have it back. i didn't realize what a luxury it actually was but my god.. i was dying without it.

i love this

part of some new lyrics?

and when everything seems to be going wrong when the streets are empty and the world fades to black i'lll be there to hold your hand and wait for the sun to set fire to the sky ♥

love marisol and her mommy!

Mom: I just booty called someone!

Marisol: WHAT?!

Mom: You know, when you don't lock your phone and it dials from your pocket…

Marisol: The proper term is "butt dialed". "Booty calling" is an entirely different thing.

done being moody- time to be happy

hello everyone. just wanted to apologize for being so whiney and not myself lately haha i missed being fun sarcastic kaitlyn-- but i'm back!!!!!!! so no more of this sad stuff. its time to smile and joke and have some more fun ;) sound good?? okay awesome!

word of the day!!!

cheiloproclitic 

being attracted to one's lips

she's pretty good! i found this and just thought i'd share :)

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! 

our snow flake acrylics :)

remember when we were little?

remember when you were a little kid and you wouldn't be able to sleep the night before christmas? and you'd lay out milk and cookies for santa clause and maybe a few carrots for his reindeer. you'd get tucked into bed and go to sleep dreaming of the next morning. you'd wake up early and go run in and wake your parents up. look at the empty plate of cookies and the empty glass of milk. you'd open your stockings and run around playing with your new things. it was fun. it made you happy. it was exciting. what happened to the magic? i feel so lost without it.

DISNEYLAND AT CHRISTMAS TIME :)

the holidays

so its christms morning as im sure everyone knows. its such lovely day too, the sun is bright and the skies are blue. i just got a kindle so im going to be blogging off of it alot. i hope your christmas is filld with joy.

merry christmas ;)

can i be a kid again? just for one day- so i can have a REAL christmas??? i miss the magic of it.

4 minutes

well... i think i might have failed this year. i mean really. i ate my first christmas cookie today. i have been the grinch all "christmas season" according to my dad. he even sang me the grinch song. but changed it. you're a mean one- mr. grich (me: MS. grinch) your eyes as black as mascara!!! while i made chocolate crinkle cookies that i have been craving but haven't gotten. haha god i love my family. i didnt make cookies for santa. or leave him milk and cookies and carrots and rain deer food.i didn't write my letter to santa. i know that if i had to choose naughty or nice i would be on the naughty list. i am getting coal for christmas. AMEN!!!!

the eve of christmas

it is the eve of christmas... still. it has been raining all break. houses are flooded. cars are ruined. awesome. merry freakin christmas everyone. my water heater broke and is making a mess in my garage but at least i still have my house for christmas. i made an invention! its a funnel... made out of a margarita mix bottle, a hose, and duct tape. and it works :)i have the weirdest family in the world but i am thankful that we are all alright and that we have our houses and everything i couldn't ask for anything more. but it helps that i just got the most adorable bag and got to make chocolate crinkle cookies earlier!!

Student-"How do you spell ______" Teacher"Get the dictionary and look it up." Student- "Bitch if i cant spell it how the hell can i find it in the dictionary."

I'm gonna kick his ass

just a thank you

thank you for the lies you should have never told. thank you for walking away when you promised you'd stay by my side. thank you for the empty- broken promises. thank you for the days worth crying. thank you for the sick feeling in my stomach. thank you for letting go of my hand when you promised you'd never drop it. thank you for the eyes you gave me to behold. thank you for keeping the secrets i should have never told. thank you for coming up short. thank you for the tears that i have cried. thank you for false beliefs. and the days you should have said goodbye. thank you for ignoring me. thank you for adoring me. thank you for exploring me- when i didn't even know me. thank you for the heart you broke. thank you for the words you spoke. thank you for the stars in your eyes and the tears that shouldn't have been cried. thank you for the crabby moods. thank you for letting me stand in your shoes. thank you for the rhythm and blues. for giving me the blues. thank you for the smiles i smiled. thank you for walking the mile. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for kissing my hair when i began to crack. thank you for leaving me here. thank you for making me fear. everything i have come to be. thank you for making me fear- well... me. thank you for the kisses on the cheek. the kisses that made me weak. the kisses when you said goodnight. the kisses that made me never want to say goodbye. thank you for the piggy back rides thank you for the empty, empty eyes thank you for everything you did. thank you for making me nerves run thin. thank you for tearing me apart. when you knew you would from the very start. thank you for making my blood run cold and for the eyes you gave me to behold. 

Nevermind that noise you heard... It's just the beast under your bed... In your closet and in your head

the eve of christmas

today is the eve of christmas. and im laying in bed with courtney and my water heater is broken and we are listening to random god songs while she calls me a whore.. wait wait wait... slut. sorry. wrong word. apparently there's a big difference. i should know. but today is the eve of christmas. santa isn't bring me shit. because im probably on the naughty list. UHHH OHHH ya me and this guy at the mall yesterday-- zak... told the santa at the mall that he was an impostor and that santa wasn't real. im going to hell. well at least it'll be warm down there. not like this shit. maybe i'll get a nice tan. or maybe i'll burn. burn in H-E- double hockeysticksss!!!! wish me luck because im not nice. i am very very very naughty. sue me. hehe jk santa is REAL!!!!

courtney decided to like this picture as a surprise for me and left it on my desktop. i question why she is posting porn on my computer but hey, whatever. i dont think shes a lesbian... welll...... god i love my friends ..... i censored it. just figured i'd share :))) enjoy.

Shopping day with the girliess! WEEEOoooooooOO

so i went to the mall with my girls today and we met up in the food court. and there was this lady.. well girl? no lady? idk she was in her 20's and she sat at a table behind us and and started eating a cup full of ice cream all by herself. This lady was big- like i'm talking BIG. and she just sat there. not looking around. eating her ice cream. it was hilarious but rather sad. i mean really. who wants to be sitting alone in a crowded food court eating ice cream alone. that is just depressing. and we walked around and saw some familiar faces and ran away from some of them and spent a good hour trying stuff on in victoria's secret (AKA: my favorite place in the world) and i sent derek a picture of a mannequin's butt wearing a thong.. because i told him i would. we had some good laughs and we walked and i was falling all over the place and we were with zak and then we went to borders and we discussed 2012 and if it would be the end of the world and if it would, what should you do? run around screaming? or just smoke or something or fuck someone hahaha and then we went to cheese cake factory. it took us 40 minutes to get a table. we ended up outside made our waiter wait 20 or 30 minutes before ordering. French fries. 3 waters. 1 diet coke. a piece of fudge cake. and a grilled cheese sandwich. so we sat eating bread and jen kept blowing out the candle so zak would have to light it again and i dont know what was wrong with me but it was funny and then we got our food and zak told the waiter it was my 16th birthday. next thing i know i have like 12 waiters singing happy birthday to me and people clapping and singing and saying happy birthday and cheering and giving me ice cream sundaes with candles to blow out hahah it was a good time. it was quiet funny. and when we were walking out everyone said happy birthday hahaha. so good. classic. typical zak.  and then we went to H&M and they tried on pea coats. but they weren't really pea coats and then i looked like their mom and em and jen were sitting on the floor like sleeping while zak and dylan modeled for me??? i dont even know. then we left in the rain. and drove home blasting music. it was very fun.. i liked today :)))