Friday, December 10, 2010
The wise words of Mae West
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
I must agree with Mae West on this one. If I'm going to be good, I can be good. If I want to be a good girl I can be, but being bad is just so much more fun. Breaking the rules and participating in dirty acts just makes life so much more exciting. I can be good- really really good. Or at least act good but being bad is my preference ;)
She doesn't care
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They always say they are going to be faithful until something better comes along and then he is all over the new girl of the minute. So I think a lot of girls take it as a challenge if they like a guy and he has a girl. They don't see the look in her eyes when she smiles up at him and the way she feels holding his hand and kissing him. She doesn't hear it when he says he loves her and that he is so lucky to have her. She doesn't care about hurting her feelings. She only cares about the cute boy sitting in front of her. Making her kisses lust not love and her words trash not genuine. And to think that some skank can come along and ruin things in an hour when she spent so much timing loving and caring for him. It makes you wonder if she has a heart.
You're my everything ♥
You're the smile on my face. You're the light that brightens the dark. You're my anywhere any time at all. You are the hand in mine when the world is falling apart. You are the stars in my sky. You are the breathe on the sheets. You are my will to be weird. You are the sun in my eyes. You are the fight in my heart. You're my motivation to get up in the morning and the reason I can sleep at night. You're my everything.
Who knows what this is.....
You know when you first meet someone, you never think that they are going to hurt you. They smile they talk you watch their eyes the way the grin spreads across their face the way they brush their hair back or put their hands in their pockets. You think they're nice. Unless its a crazy homeless guy or some pedophile but you get to know them. You talk to them. Learn about them. And then they let you down. And then you tell them not to. They do it again. You tell them not to blow this. You tell them that you really like them not to mess this up. The next time you start getting a little annoyed. You are hooked on them by now. Why do they keep doing this? Making these mistakes? A little time goes by... one more fight. You tell them you dont want to give up on them. They promise you that they wont. They do. Again. Why are you still giving them a shot? MY GOD WOMAN! Kick him to the curb already. He lets you down again. It hurts you. Now your voice is nothing but a whisper. You expect him to let you down but pray he won't. He always does. You whisper as you tell him to get his things and go. He let you down.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Duchess
Today i watched the Dutchess with Kierra Knightley in it. I must say that I liked it very much. I always love all these old european films for some reason. I love the drama, the fashion, the elaborate dresses and hats, the affairs, the houses. It is one giant party with so much tension thrown in and it is wonderful. I love Kierra's role as the Duke's wife. She is witty and independent but so vulnerable. You see her struggle with her husband as he goes through countless affairs and steals from her the only friend she has, taking her as his mistress. You see her sarcasm and need to voice her opinion and her great love of fashion and it was wonderful to watch if you are in the mood for something like that. It captured an image of romanticism- the emotion and her struggles between being a slave in her own home under her husband's power and sharing her life with the man she truly loved. I must say... i love the drama of all of it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Oh the dilemmas
"how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol."
Bahahhaa wow that girl must have been pretty damn ugly. I can see it now. Some easy girl at a party, "let's go upstairs, okay babe?" the guy uhmmm.... whips out phone texts friend with the "hey dude, theres this girl thats up to have sex with me but she's fucking beat" friend responds "have fun with that one" and he says that hahaha oh my.. the dilemmas. Wouldn't life be better if there were only hot girls that way you wouldn't end up in this position?
Yummmm
Oh my god, this guy i know just got a tat on the inside of his lip that says "est. 1993" i thought it was pretty cute actually because it was like when he was born and stuff. I think it would hurt to get a tattoo on the inside of your lips. That doesn't sound like very much fun. But i guess it looks sick sometimes
Best Costumes
So... everyone is having ABC and costume parties right now. We decided to share a few :)
Pebbles from the Flinstones- pink/ red hair cute little cave girl outfit
Tiger- Ripped up tiger print tube top with a short, black tool skirt with the drawn on whiskers
Sailor- short little skirt with a button up tied up into a bra top type thing with a cute little sailor hat and a little anchor tattoo on your hip (or if you have your belly button pierced- a cute little anchor belly button ring, etc.)
Mermaid- Bandeau type thing, pink or purple kind of top with a seashell in the middle and a blue tie skirt. Sequin fabric is always cute
Tom Cruz in "risky buisness"- White button up shirt (long of course) High socks and a cute bra with the sunglasses. Always hot
Mini Mouse- don't forget the ears ;)
Summertime Again Please
Let's make strawberry lemonade and dance in the sun all day. I miss the sunshine. I miss the days laying out by the pool and walking around in sandals and going to Circle K when we were at the beach in newport. I miss the starbucks in the morning in our pajamas and the sunburns and tans and the cut off shorts and bonfires. I miss the long nights and the sleeping during the day. Can it be summer time again?
GYMNOPHORIA
GYMNOPHORIA
The sensation that someone is mentally undressing you.
After I walked away from the guy I was talking to, I had a mad case of gymnophoria.
I am my own drunken therapist
"I gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist."
Hahha for some reason i find this very amusing because I know girls that have actually done this. My friend over summer was texting me and kept saying, "I've always been faithful to him, i do everything for him, he has slept with other girls and i have been SUCH a good girlfriend. It's just one night. Right? He'll never find out. And (insert name here) is really cute and we've had such a good night and I have been so loyal to (insert boyfriend's name here) so i am going to do what i want. Text in the morning. "Oh my god... me and (insert name here) fucked.... (insert boyfriend's name here) is going to kill me. At least (insert name here) is hot...."
Sunday, December 5, 2010
wreckedd
Ouch.... that sucks. I think you'd have to be pretty damn wasted to think thats anywhere close to being funny. How does puke even get on the ceiling? I mean really? Did someone puke in a bucket or something then throw it in the air? That makes no sense. That person's house must have been wrecked.
Who are we? We are a bunch of tiny ant sized dots on a giant planet in a giant universe, etc etc etc. You get the idea. So why are you standing here wasting my time about how i need to find MYSELF. Look in the mirror babe, you aren't perfect. Or even close to it. So before you tell me who i need to be, i think you should find out who YOU should be.
FORTUNE COOKIES!
my fortune cookie said: "you will soon receive an unusual gift of food for your health." i've felt horrible all day and my mom bought me soup from pick up sticks and gave me this fortune cookie. are they psychic or something? hahaha
FML.
Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML
Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML
Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML
Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML
Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML
Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML
Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you..." FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML
Today, at work, there is a rumor going around that I'm gay. Somewhat curious at how did this start, I asked a co-worker. He said I was seen 3 days ago at a mall holding hands with someone who looks like a guy from behind. Three days ago, I was at the mall with my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML
Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML
Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML
Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "Shes not THAT ugly." FML
Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML
Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML
Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML
Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML
Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML
Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML
Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML
Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML
Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML
Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML
Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML
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