"why did i think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?"

"why the hell didn't you wear your jesus shoes. Come on Natalie..."

"You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me and managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls"

"One date. That's all it took. I want to have his genius babies in me. One date."

"It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Denny's.. at 4 AM.. with Lemonade"

"They named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone."

"I've never played a more sexually-tense game of uno in my life"

"Thanks for last night. Sorry if I was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius"