i hate getting really hungry in the middle of the night. it is the most frustrating thing. then you either have to lay there and be miserable. or get out of your comfy bed to go sneak down stairs and get food. its just a pain in the ass. i wish it didn't have to be that way

i was in vegas for a week. that place is crazy. cougars hitting on  20 year old guys, no bras, women handing out the "meet hot chicks" cards, burlesque dancers, fat hairy men, blah blah blah. however, there is NOTHING there to do if you are underage. i mean literally you can go shopping or you can sit by the pool. and you might get hit on both places so you have to be careful. boobies= attention. no boobies= still getting attention. drunk men dont care if you are showing your boobs off or not apparently. and i am not being racist in any way shape or form. but i saw SO many asian people and mexican people and there were SO many albino people that did not speak english. My god. It is the most frustrating thing when people from other countries try and function here. it just doesn't work. good stories. good times. hahaha 

my Armani aviators broke when i was in the lazy river in vegas. i'm pissed.

i ate at this italian place. and they put an egg on top of pizza. its really bizarre but it was pretty good! Oh and salted caramel.... IT IS ALL THE RAGE back in Europe apparently. Vanilla pudding and salted caramel. it is the best combination you will ever have in your whole life. it is AMAZING. i say in all caps. AMAZING. seriously, go try it at DOCG in the cosmopolitan in vegas!

i love when little kids are all cute and they hide and they giggle and they play games. it is just adorable i think. until they scream and then it is all over. 

facts: 10 facts about ur room 9 about ur family 8 about ur pets 7 about ur school 6 about ur home town 5 about ur first bestfriend(s) 4 about ur parents 3 about urself 2 about ur favorite foods 1 about the guy that you like 

TEN FACTS ABOUT MY ROOM: 

1. It is tiffany blue

2. I have a giant collage of magazine pictures over one wall

3. I have an antique dressing table

4. I have clothes all over my floor

5. I have shoes all over the top of my dresser

6. there is paper all over the room

7. I spray painted my dresser black and people write all over it now

8. I have 3 windows

9. There are pictures all over my bulletin boards and walls

10. I have beige carpet

NINE FACTS ABOUT MY FAMILY

1. They are loud

2. We all basically live in one community

3. We love to laugh

4. We love horseplay

5. We love inappropriate dinner conversation

6. We are split democrats and republicans

7. We are all pretty short

8.They always have my back

9. They are all very strong.

EIGHT FACTS ABOUT MY PETS

1. I have 1 dog

2. His name is Mojo

3. He is a golden retriever

4.He has no hair right now

5. He is my polar bear

6.He is always very fluffy

7. He gets random bursts of energy

8. He sleeps a lot.

SIX ABOUT MY HOME TOWN

1. Everyone knows everything about everyone

2.Everyone seems to drive really nice cars

3. Everyone in High School gets into a lot of trouble I feel like

4. There is nothing really big to do here. No big events

5. There are a lot of gates

6. It's too perfect

FIVE FACTS ABOUT MY FIRST BEST FRIEND

1. Her name was Sarah I believe

2. She had blonde hair

3. She was from Oregon and I thought that was cool

4. We spied and slept over all the time

5. She gave me my first MAC lipgloss.. i think it was her moms.

( i've worn that color ever since)

FOUR FACTS ABOUT MY PARENTS

1. They have been married for almost 20 years

2. They are both dorks

3. They always give good hugs

4. They are funny people

THREE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF

1. I have no self control when it comes to shopping

2. I love writing

3. Sometimes sweatpants are a good thing

TWO FACTS ABOUT MY FAVORITE FOOD

1. I love mexican and chinese

2. I love to cook chicken marsala

ONE FACT ABOUT THE GUY I LIKE

1. He is a gentleman

my friendship with people is like demolition. you destroy some, rebuild and repair some, and most of the times you even make new ones

i laid on the cement wearing a hoodie and ugg boots. my hair was up in a bun. i had no makeup on. we sat around eating strawberry and vanilla swirl ice cream from swirlz with rainbow sprinkles. he had a boy spoon and i had a girl spoon. we were laughing about absolutely nothing. he reminds me of bashful from Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs. He is amazed by everything. It is refreshing. He's like a little kid. He makes me wanna walk around and laugh and dance and stay in that moment forever. It's really nice. It's special.

Just because you've confessed 

doesn't mean you're supposed to be forgiven

Boy, when you're dead, they'll really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has the sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

sometimes keeping things casual is a good thing. no strings attached. no connections. just laughs. and smiles. and giggles. there is no hurt. sometimes that is a good thing.

on the first page of our story

the future seemed so bright

then this thing turned out so evil

i don't know why i'm still surprised

even angels have their wicked schemes

and you take that to new extremes

but you'll always be my hero

even though you've lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

well that's alright because i like the way it hurts

just gonna stand there and hear me cry

well that's alright because i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

Now there's gravel in our voices

glasses shattered from the fight

in this tug of war you always win

even when i'm right

cod you feed me fables from your head

with violent words and empty threats

and it's sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

well that's alright because i like the way it hurts

just gonna stand there and hear me cry

well that's alright because i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

so maybe i'm a masochist

i try to run but i don't wanna ever leave

til the walls are going up

in smoke with all our memories

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

well that's alright because i like the way it hurts

just gonna stand there and hear me cry

well that's alright because i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

there's a story behind every person. there's a reason why they're the way they are. they aren't just like that because they want to be. someone in the past created them and its impossible to fix them

the moment when you realize how good things are and how happy you truly feel, that's when you realize that you are the luckiest girl in the world. when you laugh all day long and don't think about hurt and don't hold on to the insecurities that try and hold you back, you've got something good going.

i know that you are mad. i know that i say all the wrong things at all the wrong times. i know that i messed up, but please, just shut up and kiss me.

i think it's hilarious when your friends try and set you up with people. you're sitting there and they awkwardly make you stand up and drag you over to some guy, say " _________, this is so and so" and then they wink or smile and they walk away and leave you with some random guy. now, that is okay if the guy is cute but what if he's not. then that is just so horribly awkward and you have to walk away and yell at your friend for having bad taste in men.

i really wish i lived in the 60's or something. i think the whole hippie era seemed like such a fun time. Amazing music, the definition of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, free love, running around with flowers in your hair. i think that if i had to pick a time to live in, i would pick the 60's. then maybe i could marry jim morrison and live happily ever after or some shit.

i think her confidence is sexy. seriously, like i love the fact that she doesn't care about what people think. she knows that she is sexy. she knows that she gets attention. she knows that people love her and that people hate her. she has her opinions. she's blunt. and i love it. it is refreshing. She definitely doesn't always sound sexy when her talks. but i honestly love the fact that she does not care what people think at all. 

You asked so here it goes!

THINGS THAT SUCK: 

waking up early

getting your heart broken

traffic

when you run out of/lose your chapstick

when people don't pay you back

when your feet hurt

blisters

guys who cheat

when you and someone you were so close with act like you don't know each other when you were close for so long

bad drivers

waking up early

waiting for someone to text you back but they never do

when you get locked out of your house

when your ride leaves without telling you

when you miss your favorite song on the radio

when you are so frustrated you cry

sluts

bottom lockers

seeing someone you care about hurt

reputations

cold coffee

fighting with your friends

getting hot and cold when you are laying in bed

when starbucks is closed

when you see a spider and no one is there to kill it

tummy aches

getting stuck watching a scary movie alone

when you can't sleep

when you really wanna care about someone but you don't

when you are the other girl and you don't know

when people bail

seeing someone so happy when you are miserable

getting in trouble at school

french teachers

when you break a nail

when the coffee runs out

goodbyes.

you really want something but you don't have enough money

when you need to get out but you're stuck inside

movies with sad endings

tickets

being cold and not having a jacket

fake girls

shrinking your clothes in the wash

stubbed toes and burned feet

paper cuts

rumors

homework that has no meaning

fighting with someone you love

when you care about someone more than they care about you

loud noises when you have a headache

when a song you like ends

is this good enough for now?? it can go on for days

women play hard to get because men are hard to keep.

what music do i like? i love songs that explain how you feel, that make you feel numb when you are upset, that make you laugh because they are so funny and bring back so many old memories. I love the doors. I love led zeppelin. i love simon and garfunkel. i love jimmy hendrix. all that kinda stuff. i love regae, bob marley is always the best. i like rap and pop but that is just good for the days when you wanna have fun. John Mayer is my good slow music and i love stuff like adele when i need to relax and calm down and just think. i guess i like a little of everything, something different for every mood

I want: I wish: I love: I miss: I fear: I hear: I smell: I wonder:

i want to smile. i want to be happy. i want to laugh until my stomach hurts. i want to apologize to the people that i've hurt. i want to go for a run. i want to be tan. i want to have my leopard booties. i want to go to greece. i want to drive somewhere, anywhere. i want to help as many people as i can help. i want to have a boyfriend (finally). i want to have someone stick in my life instead of going through different guys. i want to do what's good for me. i want starbucks. i want Jennnifferrr to get here so we can get our nails done. i want to learn how to surf. i want to have a remote with a pause, stop, fast forward, rewind, and play button.

i wish that i hadn't given up on some of the people i gave up on. i wish that i could get to see my baby girls Jaidyn and Lauren one more time. i wish that i passed chemistry so i wouldn't have to retake it. i wish that someone saw potential in me. i wish that i had all the shoes in the whole wide world. i wish i could go back and change some of the things that have happened. i wish that he would answer his phone. i wish that people wouldn't be so horrible to each other. i wish that guys wouldn't cheat and girls wouldn't go back to them. i wish i had my own dream house (it would be fun hehe. i wish i could be a better person. i wish that i wouldn't get sad sometimes. i wish spiders didn't exist. i wish that you'd never have to say goodbyes. i wish i could be a kid again sometimes

i love my family. i love my best friends. i love writing. i love blasting music with the windows down. i love sunglasses. i love coffee. i love nail polish. i love good dreams. i love putting songs on repeat. i love shoes. i love sleeping in late. i love cuddling. i love mojo my doggie. i love writing what i want when i want. i love summer time. i love finding beauty in something no one would ever see beauty in. i love ice cream. i love baseball games. i love classic movies. i love the doors. i love good music. i love being with someone who makes you feel special. i love fireworks on the 4th of july. i love deep breaths. i love chiropractors.

i miss being little. i miss morning cartoons. i miss his smile. i miss when things were less complicated. i miss the people i know i will never see again. i miss the days when girls could play football too. i miss fingerpaints. i miss hawaii. i miss my best friend. i miss the sound of his laugh. i miss the butterflies in the pit of my stomach. i miss days when i wore my hair in pony tails. i miss the days when boys never broke your heart. i miss genuinely smiling. i miss the days when you could eat whatever you wanted.

i fear spiders. i fear being left. i fear being hurt. i fear looking stupid. i fear having my house broken into. i fear bad dreams. i fear going crazy. i fear doing something dumb to lose someone i love forever. i fear waking up and having everything be different. i fear driving tests. i fear saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. i fear regret.

i hear broken bells by october. i hear my mom laughing down stairs. i hear my dog sleeping on the floor. i hear the sound of my fingers on the keys of my computer. i hear the bass of the song. i hear my fan. i hear my dad on the phone. (not a very exciting one).

i smell summertime. i smell lucky charms. i smell miss dior cherie. i smell wet nail polish. i smell strawberries.

i wonder where this is ever going to go. i wonder why the hell jen is still not here. i wonder if he's going to hurt me. i wonder who is going to walk away. i wonder how its going to feel when so many people i love leave. i wonder if i will ever settle down. i wonder how old i'm going to be when i have kids. i wonder why bad things happen. i wonder if karma is real. i wonder if i will ever forget the past. i wonder if i will ever get over him. i wonder where i am going to end up going to school. i wonder if i will stay in touch with any of my old friends. i wonder how some people can always be happy. 

i want my superman to come sweep me off my feet and fly away with me into the setting sun. i want my happily ever after.

2011 is half way over. i said things would be different this year, like i always say. but things really have been different. i have gotten so much older, so much more mature since the beginning of this school year and my skin gets thicker and thicker every day. i don't know if that's a good thing, but i realized that people's  bullshit really shouldn't matter to me. just trying to do what is good for me.

i love using big words to sound smart. i mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

i am always in search of something new and unique. i think i use my nails as a way to say what mood i am in. if i am in a "oh my god i am so happy" mood. some form of pink. if i am in the mood to be sophisticated, a red wine color. if i feel fresh and cool and relaxed, blue. when i feel like being a little bit pretty but still relaxed i put sparkles over the blue. when i feel sexy, red. when i am in a party mood, hot pink. when i have to be a little lady, light purple. when i am in a "bitch get out of my way" mood, it's black all the way. when i want to be creative and fun i pick some crazy design that no one has ever seen. it works well. i think i've figured out a system.

there gets to be a point where you have to think about who is here for me. you realize what people lied to you.. you realize what people bailed.. you realized who made you upset, who brought you down, who made you hurt.. you realize who you fought with and who made you feel like shit.. you realize who you never really knew.. but you also realize the people that stuck by your side no matter how angry, sad, happy, frustrated, loud, or quiet you were. they were the ones that held your hand and told you not to run away when you wanted to leave so desperately, that laughed with you all day long, that told you to walk away when that guy you hated so much started to fight with you. they helped you do your hair and smiled when you were handed a good opportunity instead of taking it jealously. they were genuine. they kept your secrets. yes, you may have argued with them, but they always apologized. and sometimes you admitted you were wrong because you love them and you hurt them. they brought you coffee in the morning and wished you luck and you borrowed each other's clothes before that big party. they told you that you looked stunning at prom and you laughed over inside jokes every second of the day. 3 days felt like 3 years when you were apart and time seemed to fly when you were together. and you never really realized how lucky you were to have them in every step of your life. once you realize that, it doesn't matter how many friends you have, it just mattered who is really your friend. and you feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

letting go isn't about giving up. it's about accepting the fact that there are things in life that just can't be.

you need date ideas... i don't know how creative you want but here are a few off the top of my head

go to a baseball game- cotton candy and cheering for a team is always a good thing!

go to a national park and spend the day hiking around just the two of you.. its secluded but there are still people. you can get away for a day

go to color me mine and paint something together, you will always have it to remember your date. maybe you can even paint something for each other

go walk around at the beach and go to the pier and get food or something, walk around and spend some time seeing what there is to see. you can bring blankets and sit on the beach if you want too when it gets dark. **bring a jacket or you will probably die

go to the faire and play games and eat bad for you food and go on the ferris wheel. go see a concert there too if you want. its cute and you can cheer for each other while you play games and you might even get to take home a big stuffed elephant.

go to k-1 or something and go cart race. nothing better than a little friendly competition.

stay in for the day. have a movie marathon, switching off who chooses the movie, or pick a completely random one. get snacks and make popcorn and everything. it will be a perfect day in and a good excuse to cuddle

perfect things aren't rushed, they just fall together

stop leading me on for a while, then pushing me away. what i hate is there's no way for me to find where i'm truly standing in your heart.

i wish that you would start seeing that you are fucking beautiful. for some reason you can't see it, but there is something about you that is beyond pefect

MILFS IN ORANGE COUNTY

Fake boobs. Fake tans. Fake hair. Fake nails. Fake friends. Fake laughs. Fake skin. Fake lips. Seriously, if you are talking about a MILF in Orange County, you are talking about a woman who does not have a single thing real about her in most cases. They drive hot cars, they flirt with high school boys, they try and be the cool moms who supply the alcohol, they look like a life sized barbie doll... that is old... and married in most cases. Of course, 50% of marriages end in divorce now. But the only reason a man would divorce an infamous Orange County Milf is if she was just too fake to even live with.

fake tanning? yes or no

Personally, i never really wanted to look orange! sometimes you look at these girls and it's like seriously? did you roll around in a barrel of doritos or something? you are a mess. i am basically albino- there is very little pigment in my skin so i'm used to being white. i think being orange like an oompa loompa is just stupid looking! i'm all for being tan and all but i don't want to look like someone took a can of orange paint and dumped it all over me. i think that just looks funny

hi :) i have a couple for you. 1) favorite drinks at starbucks 2) where do you buy your makeup 3) do you like shopping? where? 4) cutest date you ever went on 5) phobias 6) what do you hate about mornings 7) do you have a crush on anyone right now

i love drinking chai lattes, skinny cinnamon dolce lattes, passion fruit iced tea with raspberry sweetener. sooo yummy! i buy my makeup from bobbi brown, MAC, and sephora. I live in sephora though. i love shopping! nordstrom, arden b. , steve madden, urban outfitters, ANGL, random places but those are just a few. I am deathly afraid of spiders. Like seriously, i scream even when i see little ones. I hate waking up and having it be cold when you have to get up. i also kinda hate eating in the morning it makes me feel yucky. and kinda :)

i am currently making some changes in my life. if you don't hear from me anymore, you're probably one of them

so you crash a party where everyone there doesn't like you. you argue about alcohol. you lie about where you live when they don't let you drive home. then you come back to the house and say that you were just going to sleep there.i knew that you were stupid. but damn, you keep breaking your record every day.

you bought your kid a $30,000 car. he totals it. you get him another car. he totals that one too. why the fuck would you keep buying this kid cars when all he does it race them, crash them, and hurt himself in them.

 The moon. I have always been drawn to it. Connected, in some inexplicable way. A silent kinship. There’s the moon, asking to stay. All my life, I’ve regarded it with a solemn reverence. For the tempestuous storm it brews. The ebb and flow. Love, lust, and longing. Sorrow and anguish. Strength and hope. Brazen resilience. An image of change. Of life itself. Birth and death and rebirth. Continuous incontinuity. Everything amounts to this enormous beauty I know I will never fully be able to grasp. In all this, the moon reflects the heart of life. The kaleidoscope flux of the soul. The moon. It’s a cause for introspection. A mirror of who I have been, and a promise of who I can become.

I changed when you came into my life. Time and experience had left me rough around the edges. I learned to get on, without needing anything or anyone else. I never wanted to be different or try and be better for any other person. But then you happened. You showed me what it was to love. How beautiful it could be to share something like that with another person. And then I wanted to be better for you all of the time. For some reason, I was never able to do it. It took losing you for me to realise what an awful person I had become by the end of our relationship. I couldn’t see it then, the way I do now. The truth is that I mistreated you. I was selfish, unreasonable, and immature. You did not deserve it. I need you to know how sorry I am for who I was. I want you to know that I know I was unfair to you, and that I regret it deeply. For as much as I loved you, I never ever should have treated you the way I did. I am so sorry. I don’t know how or why I became that person, but she isn’t someone I would recognize now.

When our relationship ended, I found myself down a passage of self-reflection, the depth of which I had never before traversed. I had to come to terms with the faults and weaknesses I began to see within me. I realised that I had neglected a lot of people in my life. I had spent most of my life unable to see anything beyond my own stupid hang ups. I was so self-involved and intent on shutting out the rest of the world, that I had failed to give those I loved what they deserved from me. I don’t think I truly understood what guilt felt like until that point.

I used to think a lot about the people I didn't have in my life anymore. Of those, there were some that the circumstances of life took from me, and others that I let fall away. It was faith that made me believe that you would never become one of those people. I had spent too much time grieving over the ones who had left, and I reminded myself to be grateful for those that remained. I always tried to make sure I appreciated your presence in my life. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. I’ve learned too much from life to ever make that mistake again. When we were together, it was because of you that I wanted to be a better person. Throughout your absence, that sentiment remains. And I owe it to you. You were always there for me. I don’t have words to express how much you’ve taught me about love, faith, and what it means to be a good person. Thank you.

The last thing I want to tell you is how much you meant to me. I will never forget our time together. You changed my life. And if I know anything at all, it’s that what we had was real. My love for you was true. And I loved you the best way I knew how. I haven’t said it with a lot of words or any poeticism, but there it is. As honest as I can say it.

Hala

and i come with imperfections. epitome of perfection. if you can't understand, loving the way i am. then you're no good for me

she's the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. the one that hopes for a better day. the one that won't give up on you. she's the girl that's unlike the rest. the one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. she's the girl that would love to be loved. the one that looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. she's the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

never leave sometime good to find something better because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better

when love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal

i'm in hell now and no one else, but myself has drag me here and no one, but myself will get me out of here

i'm afraid it's already been said

someone else has put pen to paper

and my thoughts have already been read

memory is a complicated thing, a relative to the truth, but not its twin