Back From the Dead

No more being sick!! The head ache is gone, and my stomach has settled. No more feeling like shit. Just in time for the weekend!

i am suffocating because i can't tell you how i feel. i cant tell you how lost i am. i can't tell you how much you are hurting me. i can't tell you how much i want to be with you but that you are killing me. i am losing myself to my own insanity. and i can see that that is killing you. and i can't stand to hurt you

i'm coming home. i'm coming home. tell the world i'm coming home. let the rain wash away. all the pain of yesterday. i know my kingdom awaits. they've forgiven my mistakes. i'm coming home. i'm coming home. tell the world i'm coming home.

hello |həˈlō; heˈlō; ˈhelō| (also hallo or chiefly Brit. hullo)exclamationused as a greeting : hello there, Katie!• used to begin a telephone conversation : Hello? Connor speaking.• Brit. used to express surprise : hello, what's all this then?• used as a cry to attract someone's attention : “Hello below!” he cried.• |həˈlō; heˈlō| [often pronounced with a rising–falling intonation pattern and a prolonged final vowel] expressing sarcasm or anger : hello! did you even get what the play was about?noun ( pl. -los)an utterance of “hello”; a greeting : she was getting polite nods and hellos from people.verb ( -loes, -loed) [ intrans. ]say or shout “hello”; greet someone.ORIGIN late 19th cent.: variant of earlier hollo; related to holla.USAGE The pronunciation given above for the sense 'expressing sarcasm or anger' shows an unusual instance in English of intonation conveying meaning. Another example would be the lengthening of the 'oō' vowel in the expression “excuse me” to indicate sarcasm.

sing like nobody's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one's watching...

excerpt

She picked up the shells that were buried beneath the vines of sea weed, still baring the heavy clumps of leaves that had grown from the stems. The cool, grainy sand rubbed on her skin and stuck to her damp feet. She had always found it interesting that sand never stuck to her nails, covered in an iridescent pink film from when she had painted them several nights before. The ocean’s breeze made her flaxen hair dance as it whipped around her neck and cheeks, sticking to her eye lashes and lips. She leaned down, discovering a blue pebble on the beach. Picking it up, she held it to the sky. The glass had been broken long ago, sucked into the tumbling waves until all that was left was a small orb of azure blue. She looked thoughtfully at the tiny treasure that she had found buried in the sand.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

We've been told were imperfect and non right for so long, but were all so beautifuly and individualy made, noone can be imperfect in His eyes

sometimes i just want to be a butterfly. so i can fly away. so i can get out of this place and go somewhere. so i can see what there is to see. so i can breathe and fly among the trees and explore. dream. 

being shady's like a disease, its contagious

I love you when you're human <3

”I have to get old…. You don’t have to get fat.”

The only reason I remember him is because he's named after my favorite musical

If I wanted to be controlled, I would have came with a remote.

every time i want to remember you..

i close my eyes..

i haven't seen you in so long..

i close my eyes..

remembering images..memories..pictures..

the first thing that i remember

is that picture of you..

wearing that dark blue hat..outside of starbux...

u were wearing a beige sweater..

and had a thicker beard then usual..

i remember your gaze in the picture

i feel like that picture spoke to me..

calling out for me..

i longed to be there with you

i long to be with you..

i daydream all the time..

most of my day im thinking of you..

my mind keeps drifting to you..

i get mad at myself..

im forgetting

i dont want to forget..

i dont remember anymore..

it was so long ago..

it hurts so much that i dont remember..

i forgot so many things..

but what i will always have is the way that u made me feel..

i feel small and inadequate now..

no one has ever made me feel that special..

i close my eyes again..

thinking of you..

looking so handsome.

you hugged me so tight

that u cried..

i couldn't believe it u cried..

i long for that hug

i long for that day

its not healthy to think about u like this..

i cant help myself..

i try

i try

till today songs on the radio remind me of you.

i cant even listen to them..

it hurts so bad..

i wish that one day you pick up the fone and call me..

and tell me

that you miss me

and that you will always love me..

its pathetic that i still have hope..

i wait for news that you guys ended ur marriage.

i know thats mean..

but i think that we are meant to be..

and that we are destined to be together..

so naive..

i think deep down im still that naive girl..

yearning for love and attention..

in my sleep i usually wake up with tears..

another day without you..

do you know that ever day i look at my fone

hoping for a msg a call anything from you

every day i wake up a little bit disappointed

every night i dream of you and hope that you come back..

i am lost without you

i am not complete..

if i hear someone talk like that id think there so corny

im not usually the romantic mushy type..

this is from my heart..

i dream of you

i wait for you

i long for you

i am still madly deeply in love with you..

to my sadness and despair..this is still the case..

dear god..please get me out of this..

i want to be ok

i want to move on..

i will go to bed..

still with hope in my heart..

Love is something I’ve been cautious of. You know this, because you were there when he broke my heart. It had been coming for a while, but that night my world shattered. You saved me. I lost myself in you quickly, you were everything I needed. You never pressured me, and you kissed me in ways he hadn’t in months. You knew where I was coming from, because you had done it to her.

Love is not something I was looking for. I just needed an escape, but falling asleep in your arms night after night and your perfect smile caught me off-guard. We were never too serious, but we were each others. We needed each other to mend. And so we did.

It has been almost a year and a half since I could spend my every day with you. You left, and I went to discover the world. Somehow, we never stopped being each other’s. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.

Now, we hang in limbo. The way I need you never seems to fade, but yours comes and goes like the wind. You tell me you love me, and then you fight with your heart and try to keep yourself away. Of course it isn’t easy, but we’ve always made it work. We’re both hanging on for the time in our lives where we end up in the same place. We both know it’s going to be worth it.

So whatever you do, just don’t let go of me now.

The message i sent to my lover when he ended things telling me he all of a sudden had no time for or relationship...

There's so much left unsaid that It's got to a point where I'm a mess. I can't keep trying.

I won't lie; I still hope you'll call & probably won't move on properly till you do.

I'm confused that you were just going to leave it though you know what I'm feeling.

Being openly emotional isn't something I do so you know I'm really trying.

We've both had unsuccessful relationships & it kills that you won't give us a chance.

I just wanted to be there for you. No drama, just me & you.

Despite what you have going on I'd support you not stress you. You say your life has a schedule,

I could've worked with that; all I wanted was your time, however much or little.

I need you to know that I would've been different. No lies, control, cheating or games.

Think of the time we spent together. You know we'd have been good for each other.

You made me feel things I'd never felt before then took it away as if it was nothing.

As if I was nothing. No explanation. Imagine how that feels.

I don't know if it's because of what happened or because you truly don't want someone right

now but you will soon enough, we all do, & I'm here. Still wanting you just the way we were.

If you felt everything you said you did you could balance it. But I can't force that.

You have your reasons. I just wish you didn't.

You mean so much to me & you can't tell giving up on us makes you happy.

I meant it when I said I loved you.

We had something. Maybe it's over. Maybe you need time.

Either way my feelings won't change.

How many times have I betrayed you? There are betrayals in battle that are infinitesimal compared to my betrayals of you.

I pushed off, away, and against. What was not broken, I destroyed. What you did not care to know, I found out.

You let me. Other times you didn’t let me go easily and I would fight. Sometimes I would get so angry I wouldn’t be able to remember what I said. Then I would leave. Sometimes I wouldn’t come back.

One time, I left and got really lost, in more ways than one. I couldn’t get out of bed. I stayed there in the dark for days. Was it the third day that you opened my door and sat down on my bed? I couldn’t get the words out from inside (I’m lost).

I filled the aching void with tears instead. You cried too.

Get up, you said softly, tears running down your cheeks and wetting my hands. This isn’t you. It’s time to get up.

You didn’t open the window, and you closed the door when you left a minute later.

I lay there, in the darkness. All my darkness.

I was lost, too close to that precipice.

I came upstairs a few hours later, still lost. I think you knew that.

That day you came down into my room, I realized that down in my room, the only one who remembered me was you. That was the year I didn’t know my own reflection in a mirror. That was the year only you found what I had lost.

I remember the day the fog lifted. I was back. I was also almost eight thousand miles away, living in an ancient English castle. I had fled there to find myself, and when I did I realized you’d never once lost me. You were just waiting until I found what you’d known all along. Thank you for waiting, for guarding, for keeping.

I quit running to the unknown after that day. The problem with running towards the void is that it’s incredibly likely you’ll get consumed by all of the uncertainty of the unknown.

I realize that now.

It’s your birthday today. I sat down intending to write something that could somehow express just how much I love you. Instead, I ended up overwhelmed by just how much you love me.

This is the first part of what I know.

Love is a species of flame.

And although all the rest of what I do not know cries out to me (and I must go and know it) I need you to understand—you are my North star. My touchstone. The origin from which I run.

Ultimately, I am always journeying back to you.

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people

welcome to paradise.

tell me that you want something real. tell me that you want something fun. tell me that you want to do crazy things. tell me what you need. tell me what would please you. tell me what you've always dreamed of

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often. 

You call me a bitch because I don’t care about what you say. I’m not like you. I don’t care about what everyone thinks about me, says about me; whatever. And you say, I think I’m so cool because I don’t hate on people like you do? Excuse me, but I don’t like to blame people for talking shit about me because they don’t even know the real thing.

just tell them i'm fine. aint got damn thing on my mind and baby all we got is time

i cant win. i can't make everyone happy. i can't make everything work. i can't give you everything you want. i'm not everything you need. i'm not here to please. i'm not here for you to walk all over. i'm not that girl. i'm sorry i can't be that girl. i'm sorry i cant be everything you need. or everything you want. i'm sorry i'm not perfect. i'm sorry i'm not the smiley girl with a big heart. i'm sorry that i broke you. i'm sorry that i disappointed you. i'm sorry that i broke my promise. i'm sorry that i came into your life. forget my name. forget my face. it will hurt you less in the end.

I'd wear matching sweaters with you

just you and i and the evening sky

did you know: the average person presses the snooze button on their alarm three times each morning.

i'll make my getaway

time on my own

search for a better way

to find my way home

to your smile

mendacity

a pretense; a false appearance

“ when one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us 

I've never taught anyone anything. But my playdate cancelled so I was wide open.

Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

part of a story

Mark was watching the game when I got home. He didn’t even look back when he heard the door shut. “Honey, I’m home.” He was leaning forward on the couch, hands clasped together, intently watching the TV mouthing “go. go. go” quietly to himself. It is normal to me by now. I set down my purse and get out the bread, lettuce, tomatoes, turkey, and ham to make a sandwich. He must have heard the rustling and said, “Honey can you make me a sandwich?” I laughed, “Uhm, no. Get up and get it yourself.” He looked back for a second and said, “No. I’m watching the game. Can you get it for me?” It is amazing how men think they can do whatever they want and tell their wives to get things for them. “No. Get off your lazy ass and get it yourself.” By this point he is giving me the sarcasm. As always.  He looked over the back of the couch momentarily and yelled, “MAKE ME A SANDWICH WOMAN!!” I shook my head, “I don’t live to please you.” He grinned, “Yes you do, you said it in our wedding vows.” I smiled back and said, “I say a lot of things”, winked, and walked out of the room with my sandwich in hand.

pretttyyyyy

GET YOUR DEFINITIONS STRAIGHT

before you call someone a whore i think you should know the definition because i'm pretty sure, in general, the girls you are calling "whores" are not prostitutes!!!

whore |hôr|noun derogatorya prostitute.• a promiscuous woman.verb [ intrans. ](of a woman) work as a prostitute : she spent her life whoring for dangerous men.• [often as n. ] ( whoring) (of a man) use the services of prostitutes : he lived by night, indulging in his two hobbies, whoring and eating.• debase oneself by doing something for unworthy motives, typically to make money : he had never whored after money.PHRASESthe Whore of Babylon derogatory the Roman Catholic Church. [ORIGIN: with biblical allusion to Rev. 17:1, 5, etc.).]ORIGIN late Old English hōre, of Germanic origin; related toDutch hoer and German Hure, from an Indo-European root shared by Latin carus ‘dear.’

yum

Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go f*ck yourself?

Lose Yourself

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,
but he keeps on forgettin what he wrote down,
the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking now, everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose 'cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no more, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got
You can do anything you set your mind to, man 

glamour is what makes a man ask for your number, but it also is what makes a woman ask for the name of your dressmaker. ♥

confidence |ˈkänfədəns; -fəˌdens|

noun

the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust : we had every confidence in the staff | he had gained the young man's confidence.

• the state of feeling certain about the truth of something : it is not possible to say with confidence how much of the increase in sea levels is due to melting glaciers.• a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities : she's brimming with confidence | [in sing. ] he would walk up those steps with a confidence he didn't feel.• the telling of private matters or secrets with mutual trust : someone with whom you may raise your suspicions in confidence.• (often confidences) a secret or private matter told to someone under such a condition of trust : the girls exchanged confidences about their parents.

PHRASES

in someone's confidence in a position of trust with someone.take someone into one's confidence tell someone one's secrets.ORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin confidentia, from confidere ‘have full trust’ (see confident )